Round 1 of April's Chemo Cycle is Done!

Today was Joe's first round of chemo for April at the Duke Cancer Center (and yes I know it's still March, but that's how the schedule worked out).  The lab work was scheduled for a little later and this time there was a doctors appointment in the mix.  Also, I was at the doctors appointment which always makes it longer because I talk so much.  With all that and the fact that we had to make the appointments for the next round and the CT scan, it took more time than usual for Joe to get up to the 4th floor infusion center.  So he got there late, which meant he had to wait.  Chemo didn't begin until a little after 11 a.m. (the appointment was for 9:15am) so needless to say this will not be a record setting day.  However, we did have some fun in the exam room.  This was Joe's first time in one of the new exam rooms since they moved to the new center, and my first time there period.  We had to pass the time waiting for the doctor somehow, so..........




Joe is still rebounding from the unfortunate events of last week, as am I.  However, both of us have calmed down significantly and occassionally even have a laugh about some aspects of it all.  We've had lots of conversations with Joe's brother and his wife, mostly in an attempt to make sense of it all, but thus far haven't really been successful.  And as a friend of ours who is a minister on the coast says, "STOP!  You can't make sense of people who are so entrenched in beliefs like that, so don't even try".  All of our friends and my family have been so supportive and caring.  I want to thank each of you for helping both of us get through this trying time, but most especially for helping Joe.  He is the most precious person in the world to me and seeing him having to deal with such emotional pain is quite difficult.

Right now though, he has many distractions.  Most importantly, the Maundy Thursday service on April 5th where the choir will do "Shadow of the Cross".  It is one of the most beautiful and stirring musical adventures you will ever hear.  If you have never attended a Maundy Thursday service and would like to hear some amazing musicians and voices, please consider coming to Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church on the evening of the 5th.  I think you would truly enjoy the experience. Joe should be posting some photos of last night rehearsal on Facebook sometime tonight or tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for Joe and support him, especially this past week.  If you know Joe, you love Joe.  He's just that type of person.

Some Nights just Drag On

Its now after 1 a.m. and I'm laying here in bed listening to the soft sound of Joe sleeping, so thankful that he is able to sleep. The stress of the last two days have been unbearable for him. Having words with his mother on Thursday, my verbal assault of her the same evening, this mornings pronouncement from his sister during a phone conversation that we are both going to hell and then the cherry on top; his sister telling his brother that she thinks we are mentally ill. A person can only take so much. A person suffering from a horrible disease can take even less before it takes it's toll. Joe and his mother and sister have always been extremely close. This is devastating to him. I know I made matters worse by my explosion of vile language, but I can't take it back. Even if I could, all I would do is change the words, the intent would be the same.

I thought after only a few hours of sleep last night that sleep would come easy tonight. Too much running through my mind. Do I want to try and make it better with his mother and sister? Will I do more harm than good by even trying? Would it be futile given how entrenched they are in their beliefs? Do I just shut up and try to comfort Joe? He has lost in all of this. He is wounded and numb. I am guilt ridden for my part. Sleep just want come as I watch the clock tick closer to 2 a.m.

A Mothers Love

I started this blog post yesterday morning and it had a completely different spin to it.  It was all about how this was an off week for chemo for Joe, that although he had had a good week off, he had been a little tired due to his hectic schedule which includes piano students every day and 2 evenings of being an accompanist and then 1 night of choir rehearsal.  Except for my mentioning how grueling my work had been this week, all in all it was a very positive post.   Then I came home from work.

Joe as usual asked me how my afternoon was and I did my usual complaining about things (although this particular afternoon I had more to complain about).  But I didn't go on too bad.  That was when Joe showed me what he had gotten in the mail from his mother.  Generally speaking I am a good person.  I have tried very hard to be a better person and much of that is due to my love for and relationship with Joe.  He is truly the best person I have ever met.  He is even tempered, tolerant, kind, giving and in my eyes, perfect.  For that reason among others I have always tried to protect him.  When someone does or says something that I feel might hurt his feelings, I take it personally.  I launch into protective mode and depending on what has been said or done, my reaction can range from just comforting him to striking out at the one that has offended/hurt him.  Today that someone was his mother.  She has never been happy with our relationship although she has always smiled and even when she has said something that wasn't very nice, she has had a smile plastered on her face.  Sort of like a snake waiting to strike.  Well last night I was the viper, and I struck at her - Loudly, with harsh, vulgar language.  She can't do or say something and expect a smile or using the word "lovingly" to mask the hateful, bigoted, ignorant speech that spews out of her. (I know, you're saying to yourself, don't hold back Jeff, say what you really mean).

She had mailed Joe a copy of her church bulletin with her "notes" that she had taken.  The topic, homosexuality and how her free will baptist church interprets the Bible.  Their bulletin also has a lovely printed part about how everyone should vote in favor of Amendment One, the so called Gay Marriage Ban amendment.  Somehow, at this  church they don't understand the separation of church and state.  A call to some government officials or attorneys might be in order to see about their tax status since they are clearly "breaking the rules" about said separation.  Below is the bulletin where you can read the bigoted rhetoric.  Just click on the photo to make larger so you can read.

But if that wasn't enough, she also included her notes that I mentioned above.  Since it may be hard for you to read, her handwriting is atrocious, I'll interpret for you below the photo.  Again, you can click on the photo to get a better look.

Title: The Consequences of Spurning God
Romans1: 22-32
Spurning God leads to...
1)Senseless idolatry (22-23)
2)Sexual perversion (24-27); preoccupation with sexuality (24-25); participation in homosexuality (26-27) God's intention, established at creation: creation of male and female (Gen. 1-2); Institution of marriage (Lev. 20:22, Lev 20: 132 (I Cor. 6: 9&10) (I Timothy 1:9-10)
3)Sweeping wickedness (25-32) 1. Don't be embarrassed by biblical teaching on any subject; 2. Maintain compassionate connections; 3. Be prepared to suffer for your convictions; 4. Don't joke about homosexuality; 5. Don't treat homosexuals disparagingly; 6. Confess any known shortcomings to your children & ask for forgiveness; 7. Provide healthy attention, touching, and loving to your children; 8. Love them, pray for them, & speak truth to them when they will hear it; 9. Through Jesus a homosexual can overcome and know that freedom from homosexual sin can come through faith in Christ & the Power of the Holy Spirit.

That's the text of her note in the bulletin.  But the biggest kicker is that she included a note to me and Joe saying that since we are studying Romans at our church and she was studying Romans too, she thought we would like these notes.   Like them?!?  It also would not have been such a blow to us had she not sent us a Congratulations card two weeks after we got married in Connecticut.  I guess hypocrisy goes along with bigotry.

Last night we met with our pastor and discussed today's happenings in detail, leaving out nothing, even my strong language.  As best he could he comforted us and we left knowing that we are children of God, that Jesus does love us, that the actions and words of some can not detract from our relationship and that we should continue to comfort one another.  Our faith has helped us reduce the stress from Joe's illness, a point his doctors have pointed out again and again, reduce stress - both emotionally and physically - stay positive and that is what we have tried to do for the last 1 1/2 years.   We don't need anyone else inserted their beliefs into our lives in an effort to drive a wedge between us or upset Joe to the point of tears and inability to sleep.

If there is nothing else that we hope people reading this can take from this experience is that proponents of North Carolina's proposed Amendment One to our states constitution will use this type of bigoted, hate filled speech as well as misguided and misused verses from the Bible.  The oddest part is that most people think of this amendment as only having to do with gay people.  Unfortunately, the part about gay marriage is only a small part of the amendment, the rest will adversely affect the straight population as well.  Before anyone goes to the polls to vote, at the very least, they should read the proposed amendment in full and it's possible consequences for all citizens of the State of North Carolina.  Not just listen to what might be preached from the pulpit of those churches and establishments that have their own agenda.  It's already against the law for gays to marry here.  Why mess with a change in our constitution?.

So it wasn't a good day.  But since I did start to post an upbeat message yesterday morning, I will close with it.

Joe is so happy that his pansies that were planted in December have finally sprouted flowers and the red bud in the backyard is now starting to bloom.  Joe loves flowers and color!

Thank you for the continued support and prayers.  We appreciate each and everyone of them and need them as well.

Friday afternoon update:  Now we have found out from Joe's brother that in a conversation he had with their sister that in her opinion, Joe and I are mentally ill, and of course "going to hell".  But that part is old news since she told Joe this morning on the phone that we were going to hell.  It's beginning to look like the female side of the Luptons put the "dys" in dysfunctional.  Needless to say, the conversation between Bill & Bettie (Joe's brother and sister) did not go well, leaving Bill shaken and requiring him to take the day off just to calm down.
Bill is my hero!

WooHoo! A New Record!!!!!!!

This is what I'm talking about!  I love the new Duke Cancer Center.  Joe had a 7a.m. lab appointment followed by an 8:20am chemo appointment.  He was done with the labs by 7:05am, in the food court getting his breakfast and then went on up and checked into the chemo infusion center.  They buzzed him for his chemo treatment around 7:55a.m. and had the saline (that comes before the chemo & steriods) flowing by 8:05 a.m..  At 9:06am, he had completed the infusion and by 9:15 was already out of the parking deck and on Erwin Road!  WooHoo!  He has a full day to relax and do whatever he wants with this behind him.  The other best part, no more doctor/chemo/lab appointments until March 29. 

Ok, Joe has been pestering me for weeks to post his photos of one of the bathrooms at the Duke Cancer Center. Why, I have no idea.  Seems a bit crude to me, but even last night on the way home from PGUMC choir practice, he asked me again when was I going to post them.  So in an effort to stop his whining, here are the 2 photos.  One outside the bathroom and one inside the bathroom.  I'm sure everyone will share my enthusiasm (sarcastic moment here) about these photos.

Water fountain outside mens bathroom (please don't ask me why he took a photo of this)

Inside the bathroom (note Joe's bag and Chic-fil-A cup - Again, I have no idea why this was so important to him)

But that's it for now.  Chemo cycle completed, a week off for Joe, and I continue my normal routine.  I hope everyone has a great week and I look forward to seeing some of you in the coming days.

Thank you for the continued prayers and support.  All our readers and friends are the best!!!

8

This link will most likely disappear later tonight from YouTube but is well working watching if you have a couple of hours.  It is an all star reading of the play written by Dustin Lance Black of "8", the story of the trial to repeal Proposition 8 in California.  Proponents of Prop 8 had blocked release of the transcript of the trial for 2 years but through the Freedom of Information Act, the transcripts were released.  There will be a local reading of the play at Playmakers Theatre at UNC-Chapel Hill on April 9th & May 8th if you have the time to attend.  I think even though it won't be star-packed like the YouTube version, it will be well worth seeing.  But for now, enjoy Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Jamie Leigh Curtis, Chris Colfer, Matt Bomer, Matthew Morrison and more stars than I can list do an extremely good job in this reading.



With Amendment One coming up for vote on May 8th, it is extremely important to see how the Right is willing to pervert simple reasoning for their own agenda.

Chemo Round 2: Or #1 at the New DCC Chemo Infusion Clinic

Today was Joe's second chemo treatment of this cycle but the first treatment in the chemo infusion clinic at the new Duke Cancer Center....and he was impressed!  His lab appointment was at 7 a.m. and he called me at 7:03 am and was already done with the labs and in the food court to get his breakfast.  His chemo appointment wasn't until 8:30 a.m. so he wandered around taking more snap shots of the center.  Mostly of views out the windows of the various waiting rooms, but also of his chair in chemo and the view from the window during the infusion.  That's right, there are actual windows.  You don't feel all claustrophobic like in the old center surrounded by walls and in close quarters to others getting their infusions.  Now you have views, there are curtains to close off your little room if you want privacy and even the person accompanying the patient has a nice chair that reclines (I can see me sleeping already).

The top 2 photos are of assorted waiting rooms, the middle two are looking out over what will be a lawn & garden at the entrance to the clinic when completed and the bottom two photos are Joe's view from his chair and then a photo of his chair (note iPad cover & Chic-fil-a cup - dead giveaway that he was there)

All in all the day went very quick for him and he was out at a decent time.  

Me, I was in CE class.  Although the instructor is entertaining, listening to someone talk about forms for 4 hours is not my idea of a good time.

But at least I have half my yearly credits done.  Just 4 more hours before June 10th and those I will do online.  Much easier and at my own pace (yes, I'll probably be trying to finish on June 9th).

Thank you for all the prayers and emails this week.  The outpouring of love and concern for both of us is much appreciated.  

Knock It Off Already!

That's what I've been telling myself the last couple of days. Enough of the self-pity party! Joe has made a complete turn around from the weekend. Yesterday his fever was gone and he pretty much went about his normal routine, except for sleeping much later than he normally does on Monday mornings. Today, it was a typical Tuesday with morning staff meeting at PGUMC, some time at the church prepping music for Sunday, meeting me for lunch in Chapel Hill, then piano students, dinner and chorus rehearsal downtown tonight. A full day which hopefully has tired him enough to get a good nights sleep. So I'm once again telling myself to quit whining and relax.

Thank you so much to everyone who expressed concern this weekend. Your love and prayers helped so much. A special thank you to Allana Minick for stepping in for Joe at PGUMC Sunday. It helped his peace of mind to know you were taking care of the music.

Thursday is chemo day. Bright and early!

Cosmic Joke or Bad Dream?

I don't even know what to call this morning. What's worse than crappy? Joe was up at 5:30am this morning with his fever returning and going back over 100. Not much "wiggle room" left before it might be time for another visit to the Duke Emergency Dept. Call me naive, but I had hoped we were past those visits, at least for now. Sitting here in the dark, yes the bedroom is still dark, my mind is racing and my insides are a knot. I know I'm supposed to be the calm one, the smiling one. This morning I'm anything but calm or smiling, inside. I wish I could just scream and wake up from this insanity or tell whoever came up with this cosmic joke that I'm not laughing. The only problem with that is that I know this isn't some bad dream I can wake up from. If there is a joke, it's on me. I sit here on the bed and listen to Joe's restless tossing and turning in between soft snoring. I feel his forehead and the heat radiating off of him. It could just be chemo related, or it could be something else. I'm watching the clock so I can take his temperature at the right time. I cry inside so as not to disturb him. But I want to yell and throw a temper tantrum like a child. I want someone to tell me it will all be okay. Any takers? I didn't think so. I'm a realist just like you. I will just pray harder. Find comfort there. I'll just put the smile back on my face and take a pill. I'll let my inner voice scream and cry as loud as it can and continue to beg to wake up. But I know I'm not dreaming. This is my reality.

Great Friday, Crappy Saturday

Great Friday night, crappy Saturday. Joe started out the morning with chills, couldn't get warm, then running a fever, then vomiting, now hunkered down under the covers in bed. So far I've made 17 trips up and down the stairs. Guess I'll get my exercise today. He must be feeling a little better (still running fever though) because he's now got his iPad open and on Facebook.

Ok, I have one grievance from last nights PGUMC YOUTH GROUP DINNER THEATRE.... The "sing along". Apparently there are an odd number of tables. For the sing along, the people at 2 tables were grouped together leaving one group of just 1 table,,,,guess whose table, that's right, ours. That's complaint #1, we were just one table. #2: we had 2 people from our table who couldn't come due to sickness, that put our number down by 2. #3: they pulled one of our table mates, Challie Sullivan to be a judge, now we are down 3. #4: don't get me wrong here, but Challie's grandparents were at our table and didn't know any of the songs, now we are down 5. That leaves me, Drew, Caroline, and Joe. All the other groups had 8-9 people per table (total of 16-18 per group) we had 4. We did manage to make it to the final "sing off" round thanks to me and Caroline since Joe and Drew apparently don't know any lyrics to any song. However we lost in the final round. Let's just say NO ONE can say I have never sung a solo at church ever again! Oh by the way, if you were not there last night and plan to go tonight, I've just ruined one of the nights features for you. But once again, thanks to the Youth Group for a fun filled, hilarious evening.

First Round of March Chemo!

Today was the first doctors/chemo appointment of March for Joe.  Since the new Duke Cancer Center is now open, todays appointment also included a feast for the eyes of the beautiful new facility.  But before I get to that, here's what the doctor had to say.  Joe's counts were very good today.  The "quasi" anemia that Joe had been starting to develop seems to have abated somewhat so that was good news as well.  Joe got to see Dr. Zafar and Leigh Howard today so that was a double treat.  His appointment for labs was for 7:20 but by 7:17 he was already done with the lab portion and down in the food court for his breakfast.  The reason why it was so quick is that many of the doctors have already moved to the new Duke Cancer Center.  The GI doctors won't move for another couple of weeks so that left the old clinic rather empty, not that we are complaining.  Chemo moves next week as well as the lab for blood work.  I "facetimed" in for this appointment since I will be missing part of the day next Thursday for a required CE class that I have to take to keep my real estate license current.  Missing part of 2 Thursdays in a row would not be a good thing.  But I got to ask my questions, reminded him about the refills on the meds needed and basically accomplished what I needed to do or know from the comfort of my office.

But now for the good stuff.  Wait until you see this beautiful new facility.  It has everything from a boutique for cancer patient supplies, hair & makeup salon to make those dealing with cancer feel better about how that look, mood/reflection room with really cool blue ambient light, a gorgeous lobby and waiting rooms, a grand piano where a pianist sets a calming feel for everything, and many more stunning features.  What I like most is the wood work throughout that mimics the feel of Duke Chapel's spirals and architecture.  The outside which is mostly glass does not adequately convey the beauty that is inside (but the outside is very striking mind you).

Ok, so here come the photos.  Please indulge me, we've been watching this building go up for the last 17+ months and it's finally done.

The front of the new Duke Cancer Center

Obviously, just a sign inside the lobby.

The lobby of the Duke Cancer Center(note long fire place on the right)

The aforementioned fireplace in the lobby.



This is my favorite architectural feature.  The wood spiral like arches throughout that mimic Duke Chapel and Duke's campus.

The spiral at the bottom of the stairs.  I'm sure it has some significance, but haven't figured that out.

The grand piano is right next to the spiral.  No one playing this morning.  You just know Joe wanted to go have a sit.  He should have!

The cancer center has it's own cafe so you don't have to go to the Duke Clinic food court if you don't want to for something to eat (but the food court has a bigger variety)

The cafe itself.  Nice bright colors and tons of light.

The registration area/waiting area for lab work.

Need to sit in quiet and relect, they have a beautiful place for that too!

In need of some fresh air on a beautiful day.  There is plenty of outdoor space to catch some rays, relax or have a meal.

Joe attempted a short video of the fireplace.  I emphasize SHORT.  But you get the idea.

The facility is beautiful, has state of the art equipment, the same caring staff and although we would prefer not to have to be making the trips to the clinic at all, if we have too, the new Duke Cancer Center definitely offers an atmosphere where you can get excellent care in gorgeous surroundings.  A big THUMBS UP from Joe and Jeff.

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and words of support.  We owe everyone so much in the way of thank you.