Hi folks. It’s been a
while since I’ve felt the “need” to sit and really type up thoughts about what
is going on with me, my life and things around me. I’m not 100% sure what spurred this
particular requirement but most likely can be attributed to a few factors which
I will go into as this progresses. If
you don’t have a few minutes to read, you might as well stop now and come back
later. This might be a long one. So sit back, grab a cup of coffee, glass of
wine, a comfy pillow or whatever helps you relax. It could be a while.
Since Joe’s death there have been events that have taken
place that have knocked me back to that dreadful evening. Most notably when someone I know has suffered
a loss themselves. In the late spring
that was my friends Nick and Kelly who dealt with the loss of their beautiful
daughter. I was not “present” for
that. I was not there for them as I
should have been. Their loss brought
back all the emotions and trauma that I felt immediately following January 13th. Their grief scared me because it caused my
own grief to surge from where it dwells on a daily basis, back to the
forefront, dead center. (no pun intended).
After that, Jay’s mom died and once again, rather than step up in any
real way, I expressed my sympathies, but remained in the background. Most recently, my dear friend Rob has
experienced the loss of his father.
There is a significant mileage distance between us, NC –vs- CT, so this
time there is literally not much help I can offer other than expressing sympathy,
prayers and support from afar. However,
it’s hard to even talk about it as it just brings so much of what I live with
daily back to the forefront of my brain and heart. The death of Rob’s dad this week has just
cast a haze of sadness. I’ve experienced
that haze repeatedly since January and I’m realistic enough to know that it
will continue to reoccur for an indeterminate period of time.
Also this week the term “relationships” has been at the
forefront of many aspects of my life. As
a member of the Vision Team at Pleasant Grove UMC, a large part of the reading
that we had to do for our first meeting was about relationships within the
church community. But I will return to
that later. Also this week I reconnected
with Lara after months of absence, renewing that relationship. We had 6 hours of talk over dinner and her
half asleep on the couch. (Lara loves our couch. Each week at Ethan’s piano lesson she would
sleep on the couch. It’s like there is
ether in it when she is around). Also I’ve
been thinking a lot about my lack of relationship with another close friend
over the last few months. I spoke with
Lara about it on Thursday night just as I spoke to Rob & Lola when they
visited. I can see in their faces and
their reactions that I’ve probably over reacted, however, a person feels like
they feel. Right or wrong. People come into your life and people leave
your life. We have all experienced it. Some people are great at maintaining
relationships through vast geographical distances, throughout long periods of
time, throughout differences in opinions and through hurt feelings. Then some of us are not so great. Joe maintained friendships and relationships
with a large number of people from his school days, both elementary, high
school and college. I however have maintained
very few, and only with those I grew up with.
Not one person from four years of college am I still in contact with on
any regular basis. Yes there are a few
that I am Facebook friends with. We message
occasionally, comment on a post, but haven’t seen each other, talked on the
phone or any contact of real substance since ECU. Basically I’m lousy at maintaining
relationships if I don’t have regular contact.
But there are those relationships that are worth the extra effort. I just need to figure out how to reconcile my
feelings of slight, and move beyond them.
Now I’m back to the other focus of relationships and that is
with regard to PGUMC and the Vision team.
The book that we are loosely using as our “guide” through the process
has not been inspiring to me. It is very
bland reading and the phrasing used by the author is way more fundamentalist
than I prefer. It is tough reading as I
am constantly having to try to interpret what the author means by changing the
words to a vocabulary that I am comfortable with and understand. Therefore for the first meeting I went in
with a definite negative vibe (I can hear all of you now, “Wow, Jeff
negative? Not possible” –dripping with
sarcasm. Yes I know I tend to come at
most topics from the negative point of view.
I am aware of the character flaw).
It wasn’t until we broke up into smaller groups and one of the
individuals, who was leading the group, Larry, said just a few words that
opened my eyes to the gist of what the author had rambled on about for 20+
pages. Relationships. That is what the heart of the message was. Build relationships in order to thrive and
achieve your greatest potential. He
related it to something very similar to my own experience. In 2011 Joe and I joined the Disciple Bible
Study at PGUMC. It is a long and
intensive study of the entire Bible.
However, it is a place where you can speak freely of any doubts,
questions and opinions. We started off
as a very large group of 40+. As with
any group or class, there is a rate of attrition where people drop out for a
variety of reasons. For Disciple Bible
Study the largest factor is the time commitment. That is perfectly understandable. It runs for 9+ months, weekly, and with a lot
of reading. However, after 2-3 months,
you are down to a core group that you are comfortable with and the relationship
building begins. Larry was in my
DBS. We attend different services at
church and only see each other 3 or 4 times a year and usually in passing. However the relationship that was built in
DBS is still there. During that year, I
made so many new friendships that are still present. Even though I don’t see them on a regular basis
anymore. When I do see them, I
immediately smile because I know we shared something together that was special. That is what the church needs to do. Create a broader relationship within the
church. A congregational relationship
that can span all differences in age, background, socio-economics, worship service
attended, Sunday school class, small group, Bible study. With a deep relationship comes commitment. With commitment comes a willingness to “buy
into” what the purpose and yes, vision of the church is. Solid relationships
are like a compass. They ground you and
give you direction.
Like my life since January, direction is the one thing that
I have lacked. Adrift would sum me
up. I have made big strides, don’t get
me wrong. Right now the biggest stride
is attempting to be healthier. My
workouts at the YMCA continue, my change in diet continues and my weight loss
continues. YAY! As of this morning just
6 more pounds to get to my goal weight. That
day I will finally get my McDonald’s fries.
I may gain weight back that day, but it will be worth it to taste those
fries again. I’ll just go from there to
the Y and put in extra cardio time.
Thank you to everyone who continues to reach out to me.
.JPG)