A Day Like So Many Others...

...yet so different.
Today Joe started back his chemotherapy treatments after a month off due to being hospitalized, on antibiotics and the Thanksgiving holiday. Before his last hospitalization, he had been doing his treatments every week. Now, however, he is doing them once every three weeks, getting a larger dosage (4 hours long). He had his lab and doctor appointments early this morning prior to his treatment. He saw Dr. Zafar and of course after last weeks fever there were lots of questions. Joe was a good patient and told him about every issue he has had in the last few weeks. Since coming off the antibiotics he has been experiencing some stomach issues so now he has to provide a couple of "specimens" to make sure he doesn't have a c diff infection. He is so looking forward to delivering the samples tomorrow. Since he was already scheduled to go back to the Duke Cancer Center tomorrow for a shot to boost his white cell count, he'll just have to make a detour to the third floor to drop off his two cups (hopefully in a non see thru bag).

What made this treatment different is that it was the first long one that I wasn't present for. I'm here to tell you that I didn't like it one bit either. It will be the first and last. His next appointment isn't until December 17th. If he can just stay healthy, keep fevers away and stay out of the hospital, then life will be good.

With the higher dosage, we can expect the accompanying initial symptoms to increase: more fatigue and more joint aches. Hopefully however, by the end of this week, the symptoms will have eased and he will have a couple of really good weeks before his next infusion.

We both really appreciate all the words of encouragement and support this past week. It wasn't the best of weeks but your concern has been a big blessing. Thank you.

While waiting to pick Joe up, I had a lovely ride around Duke Chapel.

The Thanksgiving That Wasn't

I had expected to be posting daily this week while we were on our Thanksgiving mountain vacation. It started off as I had expected, but didn't end up the way we had anticipated. As the only mountain post indicated, we arrived in Sapphire Valley Monday afternoon and had a lovely first night. The plan for Tuesday was to be a do nothing day and rest up from Monday mornings sadness and the trip itself. That is exactly what we did but by late afternoon Joe started to run a low grade fever. He took the Tylenol and then ibuprofen and we waited for it to come down. But it didn't. While it didn't skyrocket up quickly, by bedtime (not to be confused with his napping on the couch most of the evening) it was at 101.8. He went on to bed and I soon followed. I woke up around 8:30am Wednesday, made my coffee and watched a movie on my iPad. Around 11:15am, Joe still wasn't up so I went in the bedroom and felt his forehead, which was on fire. I woke him, got the thermometer and took his temperature: 103.6. I got him two more Tylenol and insisted he get up. That's when he told me than earlier in the morning he had awakened, taken his temp and it was 103. He had taken Tylenol then as well. After pestering him, he called the Duke Cancer Center and spoke to our oncologist, Dr. Zafar. Dr. Zafar told him that he would try to admit him to the hospital from the cancer center. Joe told him where we were and how long it would take to get to Durham...at least 5 hours. Dr. Zafar said he would check back in later to see if the fever had come down. That was when I starting packing and by 12:15pm we were in the car and on our way back to Durham. Not exactly the fun relaxing vacation we had imagined. We stopped in Brevard for lunch and after four hours from his last dose of Tylenol, he took more. By the time Dr. Zafar called us back, around 3:30pm, Joe's fever was down to 98.8, almost normal. The doctor told us to continue to monitor the temp, but since it was down, he would prefer not to admit Joe, which was great. By 5:20pm we were at home after a quick stop at Harris-Teeter.

Since getting home, Joe has not had his fever go over 99. He has had some slight back pain (the bed in the condo was dreadful, even my back hurt from it...not to mention two days of long car rides and just sitting around) but has managed the pain with over the counter meds. We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal on Thursday, went to see a movie on Friday as well as tried to go see one today only to find it sold out.

As I said at the beginning, I had expected to post daily during our Thanksgiving but have been a little down in the dumps so to speak and until today haven't even checked email. Mostly disappointed, mostly sad, mostly mentally fatigued, a little borderline depressed and distant. However, grateful for getting to spend the whole week with Joe although he would probably say I've been here physically but inside myself emotionally. I know I have been withdrawn a lot this week. But it's better today. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

Thanksgiving Trip Begins

It was a rough start this morning with the loss of our precious Dolly, but we left for our Thanksgiving vacation in Sapphire Valley at mid-morning. It was an odd drive considering how the morning began but I think getting away will be perfect for us. We have been here countless times and love the quiet and serenity of the timeshare here. I am very hopeful that this week will do both of us some good. A little rejuvenation time and I can't think of a better place.

Late breakfast at Krispy Kreme.  Finally got my coffee and Joe got his pumpkin spice doughnuts. Lunch was in Brevard at Zaxby's. That's Joe at the front door of the time share.

Couldn't ask for better views from the condo in Sapphire Valley.  Can't wait to wake up to sun over the mountain.

The living room is dominated by a wonderful stone fireplace. Can't wait to have a fire tonight (I'm sure I'll get a photo).

We have a small dining area and an even smaller kitchen. But plenty big enough for the two of us!

Cozy bedroom and a small deck overlooking the recreation center and mountains beyond.

Thank you to everyone who has sent us words of comfort and condolence on the death of our little Dolly. I just have to post this photo since every waking moment of her eight years with us was spent with her daddy Joe.

An Angel Got Her Wings Today

On March 30, 2004 Dolly Llama Lupton Holland came into our lives as a pet rescue from the Durham County Animal Shelter. She was a scrawny, near death, sweet, long haired tortoise calico kitty. Today, November 19, 2012, after a few months of serious illness, as Joe would say, she got her kitty wings in heaven. Rest in peace our sweet little girl. You were the joy in your daddy Joe's heart. Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn't be at home. Your daddies love you, miss you and will carry you in our hearts forever.

It's My Blog and I'll Whine....errrr...Write If I Want To

First off, the good news. We did hear from the oncologist today about the CT Scan results. He was specifically looking for any visible sign of what might have caused Joe's severe back pain from earlier in the week: a spreading of the cancer to the bone or surrounding tissue, a pocket of fluid build up, or a new area of infection. Short answer; none of the above were found. The scan was clear of anything new. Probably just an old fashioned backache from lack of mobility, a wrong turning motion or a pulled muscle. Either way, nothing to garner any further attention or action. Very good news from my point of view. Also, as of today, Joe is off his antibiotics completely. No oral or infused antibiotics. The last time he could say that was on October 28th. YAY!!

Now my whining ( I know, two posts in a row but it felt so good the last time). How to drive on I-40 or any interstate. Those of you that were with us in Disciple Bible Study last year and earlier this year know that I have a few road rage issues. But they are not my fault. If others would just drive correctly I would be fine. Who out there knows how the flow of traffic should be on a three lane interstate? The correct answer is that the slowest cars/trucks/motorized vehicles should be in the far right lane, the fastest cars/trucks/motorized vehicles in the far left lane and those that are driving at speeds in between fast and slow in the middle lane. If you are in the far left lane and the traffic in the middle lane is going faster than you, then move over to the middle or right lanes. If you are in the far left lane and there are vehicles lined up behind you, tailgating you, move over to the middle or far right lane. In other words, if you are impeding the flow of traffic because you are driving in the "fast lane" and are not going "fast" - MOVE OVER!
I know many people tell themselves that if the speed limit is 70 and they are doing 70 then they can be in the left lane. However, there are those of us who drive faster than the posted speed limit, especially on their way to work in the morning, and would find it beneficial if you did the posted speed limit in a different lane. Try 70 in the middle lane, you'll like it. I leave the house at 7:40 am every morning to drive the 1.5 miles to get to I-40, then 10 miles on I-40, and the approximately .75 mile from Exit 266 to my office in Chapel Hill. It takes every minute allotted to get there by 8 am. If there is someone in the far left or middle lanes dragging along, then I am late. I am the first person at my office. No one else is there for 30 minutes. I have no one to vent to if I have encountered difficulties. Do you know how frustrating it is to be frustrated and have no one to vent your frustration to?? Do you? I do. Practically every weekday. So next time you are in the "fast lane" and you see a silver Suzuki Grand Vitara with a DUKE license plate on the front in your rear view mirror, either speed up or move over, or you will be contributing to road rage frustration.

Wow. That felt good, but not as good as knowing that Joe's issues this week are not cancer related. We even went out to dinner tonight to Outback (Joe had never been to an Outback....hard to believe) and stuffed ourselves silly right down to the greasy bloomin' onion...we may both be throwing up tonight for a whole new reason!

Thanks for all the words of support and the prayers. We are extremely grateful.

A Quick Trip to the Duke Cancer Center Today

The last few days have been miserable ones for Joe. His back pain has increased in intensity each day. The pain has caused constant nausea and bouts of vomiting. He finished the infused antibiotic on Tuesday and had the picc line removed the same day. He spent much, and by much I mean all except for maybe 2 hours, in bed Tuesday with a heating pad on his back and taking his pain meds. He hardly ate anything and what he did eat did not stay with him very long. In the wee hours of this morning he got up and took 2 more pain meds without eating and of course within an hour or so, he was throwing up again. (See post earlier this year about eating when he takes his pain meds....a must do!). Joe had called the oncology triage number on Tuesday and spoken to our oncology nurse. She told him which of his pain meds should be most effective and to call again today if he wasn't any better. Well obviously this morning he wasn't so he called back. At first they thought he should go see his primary physician but an appointment there would not be possible until Thursday. Daryl, our nurse, called back a little later and said that Dr. Zafar wanted him to come in for a CT scan and had scheduled an appointment for 1pm today. So I left work at noon, picked Joe up and off to the Duke Cancer Center we went. We won't have the results for days but Dr. Zafar should have seen the results by days end and should at least know if the pain is coming from something cancer related. That is the biggest fear. We already know that one of the common symptoms of pancreatic cancer is a specific type of back pain but thus far, the area where Joe's pain has been is not typical. But time will tell.

One positive is that this afternoon the pain has eased off some. He was even willing to walk back to the parking deck after we left the DCC instead of waiting for me to drive around and pick him up. After stopping to get him some lunch, I dropped him off at home and went back to the office. Apparently he felt well enough after he had his lunch to make a quick trip to the grocery store for a few items. He even had dinner ready when I got home. Although his back is still bothering him, it is obvious that he is better. Hopefully this isn't temporary and he will continue to improve. The last time his back was hurting really bad it only lasted a couple of days. We are now on day 4 so I am very hopeful it has run it's course.

While I have your attention I have one pet peeve I have to get off my chest. Parking decks and the way people drive in them. I spend a lot of time in parking decks. Weekly at the one at the cancer center and then in the last few months, the visitor deck at Duke Hospital. What is it about a parking deck that frightens people so? I'm assuming it is fright that causes them to drive at a maximum speed of 2 mph while in the deck. And what is worse, why am I always behind them? Do they see me coming? For goodness sake people, the empty spaces are easy to see without crawling along. Some of us would like to just park and go inside. There are only a limited supply of spaces right by the elevator. I know we all want one, but you can see from 50 feet away if there is one. You don't have to approach them so slow. I am not saying that I think you should speed through the deck, but a solid 15 mph, still slow, but moving would help out those of us with someone sick or who have somewhere to be because, yes, even when leaving, I still get behind the car that is deathly afraid someone will back out and they won't see them in time to stop. Believe me however, at 2 mph, you will have plenty of time to stop. So if your reflexes are so slow as to make you afraid to drive in the deck any faster than a snail, consider calling a taxi. For the love of all that is gracious and holy, if you don't, you will be the reason that I end up in hell.
There, I feel better.

Radiology waiting room (actually just a small part of it) at the Duke Cancer Center

Rainy Days and Mondays....

...Always get me down.  Actually that isn't quite accurate.  I love rainy days and Mondays are usually only known for the end of the weekend and having to get up for work.  Not exactly a reason to be down.  At least not most of the time.  Today however was different.  No rain, but a down day.  After so many good days in a row, today was not a good one.  Joe began to complain of back pain Sunday evening and by this morning the pain had increased immensely.  So much so that he was sick at his stomach.  Throwing up first thing does tend to set the tone for a bad day.  He did come to see me for lunch today, which in retrospect was probably not the best move.  When I got home from work this evening he was still in pain and walking around with his pink basin from the hospital.  Use your imagination as to what those are for.   Tonight he was playing for a memorial service at church, and although in a lot of pain, and extremely sick to his stomach, he made it through the service.  He also made it home with about 5 minutes to spare.  Within seconds of taking an anti-nausea pill, he was once again throwing up.  My heart aches watching the misery he is going through.  However, we cleaned him up, got him some lightly buttered toast, he took his antibiotics, pain medication and another anti-nausea pill and went straight to bed.   I came to bed an hour later and although he is resting, I don't think he has drifted off to sleep yet.  The pain is still present and he can't take more pain pills for many more hours.  Hopefully sleep will come and tomorrow will be a rainy day and he can sleep late.  Nobody wrote a song about rainy Tuesdays have they?   As long as Joe feels better, I'll take any weather at all.

Much love to Noel, Kevin, Clayton and their families tonight.  Our hearts and deepest sympathies are with you.  Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for Joe.  Please say an extra one tonight.

This Weeks Draws to an End

It's Saturday night and this week is drawing to an end. And for the first time in many, many weeks, it has been a good one. Joe has not had a single fever, has felt good every day, has not had any real issues with his antibiotic infusions or tablets, had a good choir practice, good doctors appointment and NO hospital visits! All in all, I'd take duplicate versions of this week each and every week.

At this week's oncology appointment, Joe and Leigh decided that when he resumes his chemo, he will be doing the 1 large dose every three weeks. Since we are going away the week of Thanksgiving, he will start on the Monday after we return. The reason for the delay rather than starting the week of Thanksgiving: he will have to go to the infusion center the day after he gets his chemotherapy treatment to get a shot to boost his white cell count. Since we will be in mountains, that would be hard to do, so we will just wait another week.

Joe has been on oral antibiotics three times a day since he was released from the hospital and will be on them until next Saturday, November 17th. Also since his release he has been infusing a liquid antibiotic once a day for an hour through his picc line. That will end this coming Wednesday, November 14th. After his infusion that day, he will have the picc line removed. Dr. Zafar doesn't want anything foreign in him for any longer than necessary. The home health nurse will remove it after the infusion. Joe is really looking forward to that coming out. Wrapping his arm in plastic wrap and press-n-seal to take a shower is getting really old.

But this post isn't about complaining (which I know seems to be all I do sometime). Since the first of November, many Facebook friends have been posting something that they are thankful for each day. So with that in mind, I thought I might list some things I am thankful for as well.
1- I am most thankful for Joe. For the last 15 years he has given me love and strength. He has taught me how to be a better person and brought so much joy into my life that I couldn't possibly ever repay him.
2- I am most thankful for my family. My sister Phyllis, her husband Woodie, my nieces Aimee & Sara and my nephew Wayne. My brother and sister-in-law, Bill Lupton & Sandy Okasaki. They are a constant source of love and support. I know that I have sometimes taken them for granted but I truly appreciate how much they have done for me and for Joe. They love us unconditionally and show that love all the time.
3- I am most thankful for Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church. Everyone from our pastors to the staff to the choir to the general membership have been caring, supportive and loving in every way. I never thought such a large group of people could find a place in my heart in such a big way.
4- I am most thankful for my friends. Joe and I have wonderful friends who reach out to us all the time. I work with an incredible group of people who are always there to lift my spirits when I am down and to help me smile when I didn't think I could.
5- I am most thankful for Dr. Yousef Zafar & Leigh Howard. Our oncology team has been with us on this journey for 2 years and they have always made us feel that we are priority number one. They inspire us with their optimism and positivity. We have had 3 different nurses during the last two years: Minoka, Mark & Darryl - All three of you are treasured and both of us appreciate everything you have done for us.
6- I am most thankful for our radiologist, Dr. Czito; our surgeon, Dr. Tyler; and all the nurses and staff who helped us during those trying times.
7- I am most thankful for the nurses and staff of the 9th floor of Duke Hospital. We have made 6 trips to the 9300 wing. Every time the care that Joe and I received was incredible. Every nurse was caring in such ways that one would not think possible. They looked after Joe day in and day out, helped me day in and day out, comforted me on those bad nights, made me smile or laugh on those really bad nights and always treated us and our relationship with the utmost respect.
8- I am most thankful for my health. Even though I have always been the "sickly" one with all my allergies and aches & pains, I know what real sickness is.
9- I am most thankful for the readers of this blog. You take the time to read my ramblings because you care about Joe and about me. You take the time to comment and send words of support. You say prayers. You offer help. I write this blog as a way to help myself deal with things. I write to help my sanity. I write it with no expectations of it being read, but you do read it. I thank you.
10 - This one will seem strange. I am most thankful for the cancer. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could snap my fingers and it was gone. I wish this terrible disease had never reached out and touched Joe. I wish cancer of all types could be eradicated. But it is here and it is a part of mine and Joe's life. But even though physically it has done it's damage, it has not defeated us in anyway. What it has done is bring me and Joe closer. It has changed our relationship for sure, but for the better. It's hard to argue over the petty stuff (although Joe will probably disagree that I still argue over petty stuff). We have found a better level of understanding of one another, a better understanding of what we mean to each other. Simply, we are better together now than before. Three years ago we were plodding right along, taking many things for granted, maybe even taking each other for granted. We don't do that any more. Now we treasure every day and every experience. Cancer gave us that rather than taking something away. For that I am thankful.

Thank you for your prayers and words of support. I thank you and appreciate you taking this time out of your busy day to read this post.

P.S. I have received some very nice comments to this post from some highly cherished friends. Here is but a sampling:

"YAY!!! You know it's a good week when there are no fevers and no hospital visits!!! Enjoyed your blog post. Hope you get to savor the delight of a fever-free/hospital-free week. See you tomorrow." Allana

"What a beautiful post you wrote tonight. WOW! That is awesome to be able to be thankful in the midst of all you two are in the midst of! Very impressive! What beautiful people you are! God bless you both! Fondly," Fredda

"I am thankful that Joe has been fever free and hospital visit free this week.
I am thankful that Rob and Joe met on that first day at uncg in 1974.
I am thankful that you and Joe call us friends.
I am SO thankful that you came to Connecticut to get married and to renew/cement our friendships.
I am thankful I have met all the wonderful PGMC folks AND got bread!
I am thankful that you both get tender loving (and skilled care) at Duke.
I am thankful for technology like skype, imovie, iphoto, etc that helps bring us closer in funny Cheeto kinds of ways...AND in ways like seeing Joe's wonderful piano concert!
I am thankful for the blog that keeps us up to date.
I am thankful that we had such a WONDERFUL visit with you this summer. We still talk about it.
I am thankful that we have things to look forward to sharing together.
Hugs!" Lola

"Jeff, You are an amazing and gifted writer. When I read your words, I can just hear you talking – like we are sitting and chatting in person. That is a wonderful talent. So I am thankful for your blog. I love you both so much and I want to stay informed on how things are going. I want to know how you are feeling and how Joe is feeling. Through your blog you keep me in the loop. Dave or one of the girls will ask me once or twice a week if I have any news on Joe – has Jeff updated his blog, particularly when Joe is in the hospital. So I’m not only in the loop, I have become part of the loop of information and love and prayers. Love," Cindy H


"What a beautiful post! Indeed, dire illness often brings so many issues into their true perspective. It's the fire that can either destroy or burn out the dross from a relationship; I'm glad you two have come through thus far with a stronger bond." Jean

We Are Legal in Two More States

It's no secret that Joe and I are Obama supporters but there were other critical ballot items across the country Tuesday.  Some that have as important an impact on us as the presidential race.  We are now legally married in two more states!!!

Voters a continent apart made history Tuesday on divisive social issues, with Maine and Maryland becoming the first states to approve same-sex marriage by popular vote.

The outcomes in Maine and Maryland broke a 32-state streak, dating back to 1998, in which gay marriage had been rebuffed by every state that held a vote on it. They will become the seventh and eighth states to allow same-sex couples to marry.

"For the first time, voters in Maine and Maryland voted to allow loving couples to make lifelong commitments through marriage — forever taking away the right-wing talking point that marriage equality couldn't win on the ballot," said Chad Griffin of the Human Rights Campaign, a national gay-rights group.

Washington state also was voting on a measure to legalize same-sex marriage, though results were not expected until Wednesday at the soonest. Minnesota voters were divided almost 50/50 on a conservative-backed amendment that would place a ban on same-sex marriage in the state constitution.  The outcomes in the four states could possibly influence the U.S. Supreme Court, which will soon be considering whether to take up cases challenging the law that denies federal recognition to same-sex marriages.

Maine's referendum on same-sex marriage marked the first time that gay-rights supporters put the issue to a popular vote. They collected enough signatures over the summer to schedule the vote, hoping to reverse the outcome of a 2009 referendum that quashed a gay-marriage law enacted by the Legislature.  In both Maryland and Washington, gay-marriage laws were approved by lawmakers and signed by the governors earlier this year, but opponents gathered enough signatures to challenge the laws.  Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley, who campaigned vigorously for approval of the marriage measure, spoke to a jubilant crowd in Baltimore, which celebrated with hugs, dancing and popping of balloons.  "Every child's home deserves to be protected under the law," O'Malley said.



The president of the most active advocacy group opposing same-sex marriage, Brian Brown of the National Organization for Marriage, insisted the Maryland and Maine results did not mark a watershed moment.  "At the end of the day, we're still at 32 victories and they've got two," he said. "Just because two extreme blue states vote for gay marriage doesn't mean the Supreme Court will create a constitutional right for it out of thin air."

In Minnesota, the question on the ballot was whether the state would join 30 others in placing a ban on gay marriage in its constitution, and the contest was extremely close with most votes counted. Even if the ban was defeated, same-sex marriage would remain illegal in Minnesota under statute.

Heading into the election, gay marriage was legal in six states and the District of Columbia — in each case the result of legislation or court orders, not by a vote of the people.

Day 3 After Release from Duke

Not much to really report since Joe got out of Duke. Sunday Joe played for both the 8:30 & 11:00 a.m. services at PGUMC and then we had lunch with a childhood friend of Joe's, Sarah Shutt. We get to see Sarah every 6 months or so but this was the first time she was able to be here on Sunday and join us at Pleasant Grove for church. We had a nice visit for lunch and then headed home. My family surprised us with a Sunday afternoon visit and then Sunday night, we made an early evening of it and turned in before our usual time. The time change definitely makes a difference on our internal time clocks.

Today Joe had an oncology appointment at 8:00 a.m. this morning after his 7:00 a.m. labs. Leigh was pleased with his lab work and his overall health. His counts were good so she was pleased. Joe continues on his two antibiotics - 1 oral and 1 IV through his picc line. He is tolerating it pretty well. A little nausea here and there but that is one of the noted side effects of both antibiotics. He manages it with this odansetron and compazine (or as stated in blog entries from 2010 & 2011 - the cadillac and ford of anti-nausea drugs).

Joe has felt well since his release. There have been no fevers thus far and he is resting as much as possible but admittedly is getting a little stir crazy. Tomorrow maybe he will get out a little more, but not overdo it. At least I hope not.

A big thank you to everyone for all the support last week, and the weeks & months before. It was tough but because of the prayers and support, we got through it.

He's Home!!...Again

Joe is home from Duke Hospital....again! This time he has his picc line and a whole box full of antibiotics to infuse over the next 13 days. A refrigerator full of little bitty baby like infusion bottles. Those along with pills will be a mainstay for the next couple of weeks. But he is home. I am physically and mentally exhausted. But he is home so I will sleep. He is home and he will sleep, hopefully.

Thank you.

Getter Closer to Going Home

Today we moved one step closer to Joe getting to come home. His bilirubin count continues to drop (1.1 today) and this evening they took Joe down to the surgical floor to put in a picc line. This is all in an effort to allow Joe to continue his IV antibiotics at home instead of staying in the hospital. Had he not had his port removed last week, the picc line would be unnecessary. But they did so this is the best alternative.

I worked today but had numerous conversations with Joe throughout the day. Apparently it was a good day with no fevers. He had one visitor and was supposed to catch up on some of his recorded HBO shows on his iPad. We shall see. I've had 45 minutes here of quiet to eat my dinner, watch non network TV which means no political ads, YAY!!!!!!.

He arrived back in the room at 7:31pm. I could hear him talking as they wheeled him down the hall. He did fine, was awake for it and apparently enjoyed seeing the vein on ultrasound. He's a strange one! He ate all his dinner and is now chomping down on peanut M&M's. Another 45 minutes and the antibiotics will start flowing.

Thanks for all the words of support and concern. We love ya!