Today we met with Joe's Duke Home Hospice nurse. The meeting ran a little over 2 hours. It might shock some to know that I was very quiet during the meeting. It was a long meeting from my perspective. While Carol seems to be a very nice and caring nurse, I was in no mood for it. I actually purposely didn't answer my cell the first three times they called. Only after they called the house and spoke to Joe about an appointment time did I return their calls. Even then I pushed the appointment back an extra half hour (I wanted to push it to another day). I know I'm being judgmental but I don't think I will warm up to her very quickly. Actually I don't think I will warm up to this whole situation.
Poor Joe, as if things weren't bad enough, he's having to endure my really bad attitude. That "angry" phase that I went through for a year seems to have reappeared with a vengeance. It was a battle of wills when Carol said we should put the "DNR" sign on the refrigerator. I believe I said no three times. It might have been four. I will have to ask Jay since he was here during that time.
Tonight we got the delivery of the oxygen compressor and the mobile tanks. That took another 1 1/2 hours to get hooked up and instructed in the fine art of distilled water and turning a machine off and on. There is now 60 feet of plastic tubing winding through the house. Who do you think will be the first person to trip over it? You get one guess and Joe's name is not the right answer.
One positive today: I was able to thin out Joe's medications. At the hospital they told him to stop taking his blood pressure and diabetes meds. So a bunch of pills, lancets and test strips were bagged up and put away. The cabinet is a lot less cluttered. Now there is more room for my meds. But I don't need more, just stronger!
Thank you for the good wishes, messages, prayers and concern. Maybe one day I can catch up and thank everyone who has written or texted.
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Tonight the love of my life, my rock, the reason I am the man I am, my Joe passed away. Very quietly and without pain. I am numb, devastat... -
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For regular readers, remember the days when my posts would be clever, whimsical and humorous to read?....well this won't be one of them ...
It's a hard thing to acknowledge, but the Hospice workers are a special class of people like no others. I hope that in time you will come to appreciate them or at least not resent them. It's the message that you hate, not the messenger.
ReplyDeleteI love you both.
ReplyDeleteJeff, you have a right to deal with this anyway you can-. My husband is on hospice, and I was resentful toward them at first as well-then they became my best friends. We don't have the DNR on the refrig-it's in the supply basket by his bed. I will be praying for you all as you go through this next part of your journey-may God help you find beauty in even the things that make you sad and angry.
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