And then it was April

March just went by pretty darn quick didn't it?  Well, it did for me anyway.  Work, work, work...and a cold, cold, cold.  My days were in the office, my evenings were on the couch and in bed.  I did manage however, to go to the gym a minimum of 3 times per week every week but one.  The one week when my cold was the worst, I just couldn't get myself there.  I didn't need to be spreading germs in excess anyway.

But that is not the purpose of this post.  Mind you, I'm going to complain, but not about being sick.
Today's topic is having to avoid television shows & movies that I would have previously enjoyed.  Why do I avoid, because of either subject matter or just language.  It's not that the subject matter is offensive or the language is offensive.  The subject matter and the language is not adult in nature.  The subject matter and the language is not interesting.  The problem is, the subject matter and language is personal.  I'm sure that sentence is vague and no one has any idea what I'm talking about.
Some TV shows I've pretty much given up on all together.  A prime example is Greys Anatomy.  Granted, it isn't the show that it was 5 years ago, but it still has some quality plot lines, characters, and is well acted.  The only problem is that in practically every episode there is a cancer patient, or a dying patient.  Why is that a problem, well it inevitably puts my head and mind where it doesn't need to be.  Back in the moment.   This isn't limited to medical dramas either.  Very innocuous things that would normally not even be noticed by other people, set off things in my brain.  Example:  This week's episode of "Scandal".  One of the plot lines was a murder that had happened 15 years earlier.  The wife of the deceased had just died, and Olivia is hired to prove that the wife was the one that murdered her husband and not the man that was found guilty and has been in prison awaiting a death sentence.  The scene is Olivia talking to Huck and she says, "Mrs. whatever died yesterday very suddenly from pancreatic cancer"... - and there went my head, back to the moment.  A perfectly good, entertaining episode of Scandal, ruined for me.  I continued watching, cancer wasn't mentioned again, but my brain stayed in the thought.  But it doesn't have to be so specific to pancreatic cancer, or even cancer at all.  I was watching the movie "We Are Marshall" recently.  I have seen the movie several times.  I know it's sad.  I knew when I started watching, that it deals with the death of so many people.  I was prepared.  When the plane crashes, it's a moment, but it was ok.  What got me, made me change the channel was the one happy moment.  The assistant coach that was supposed to be on the plane, but switched with another coach to drive to make a recruiting visit with a high school player at the last minute, drives up to his house in the pouring rain and his wife comes running out, seeing her husband alive when she thought he was dead.  The reaction, the expression on her face and the emotion exhibited.  Her husband was alive after all.  That moment got me as my mind went to, why isn't Joe's death a mistake?  Why couldn't I walk outside to see him standing there and feel that relief?  Silly I know.  So I changed the channel.

I rarely go to movies unless I have fully researched the plot.  IMDB and Wikipedia have become my new best friends to research and make sure someone doesn't die of cancer in the middle of things. Or if someone looses a spouse.  Or if someone makes a reference to a loved one dying.  It's hard to be spontaneous about entertainment these days.  Always on guard.   To be honest, it's practically impossible.  So I avoid.

Of course this is Relay for Life season, so my brain for the next two months is fully ensconced in cancer.  I'm a bit slower this year in my fundraising.  Not because it isn't still as important as it always has been, but I'm trying to not obsess as much as I have in the past.  I will still send out requests, I will still attend fundraising events (I am really looking forward to "Home Brew for Life") and I will of course be in attendance for the entire event on May 29-30th.  I owe that to Joe, to myself, and to so many others.  If you would like to make a donation to support my efforts, the link to the American Cancer Society Relay for Life site is here:
                         DONATE TO JEFF'S RELAY FOR LIFE EFFORT HERE

Ok.  I've rambled enough for a Good Friday morning.  Time to bathe, get ready for Stations of the Cross at PGUMC and then dinner with the boys.  Have a wonderful Easter weekend folks.  It's a 3 day weekend. WooHoo!!!!!

Mid April, already?

Can you believe that it is nearly mid April?  I can.  Especially since the last two weeks have moved at a glacial pace.  What were once just annoyingly necessary work days have now become annoyingly necessary and incredibly LONG work days.  So why you ask...well I'll tell you.  One: it's spring.  Spring means pollen.  Pollen means a runny nose, sneezing, itchy watery eyes, sinus headaches and popping allergy pills like candy.  Said allergies can make the day very long.  Two: I now work for a new company so everything is all new at work.  And not in a good way.  Not new exciting but rather new aggravating.  Whereas I was the "go to" person with all the answers in the office, now I am the "go to" person with more questions than anyone else in the office.  Basically, ignorance is annoying.  Have I mentioned that I'm annoyed??  I think I did at least a few times.

So here we are just a matter of days before Easter.  Coming this Holy Week at PGUMC is the Maundy Thursday service, Stations of the Cross on Friday and then of course Easter Sunday.  We all know how Joe loved holiday music.  One of my fondest memories is from several years ago when the PGUMC Chancel Choir performed "Shadow of the Cross" for Maundy Thursday.  I have never witnessed a more beautiful and meaningful service.  Then last year, coming just a few months after Joe's death, I was a complete mess at the Maundy Thursday service.  Then the next day upon arriving at the church for the Stations of the Cross, I was greeted by the sound of Joe's "Time of Centering" CD quietly playing through the sound system.  Needless to say I only made it to the first station before breaking down in tears.  So what to do?  I don't think I can handle another Maundy Thursday service, no matter how much I would like to be there.  Yes I know, it's probably cowardly to just not go.  However, my public emotionally distraught displays have to be tiresome for my church family.  If nothing else, not being there will give my friends a break from trying to console me.  That leaves the Stations on Friday.  I think I can do that one.  Yes I know, more public displays.  But it's mostly solitary and much easier to hide a mental meltdown!   Finally, Sunday means Easter.  On the plus side, I don't have to be there before 7:00am for the sunrise service like I was for several years.  On the down side, I also don't get to hear Joe play the heck out of that organ.  I think that is one of the things I miss most on Sundays.  Hearing those glorious chords blasting through the antiphonal speakers making everyone sit up and take notice.  Just yesterday at church I sat there and I could almost see Joe  sitting on the organ bench, grinning that irrepressibly impish smile of his.  I miss that so much.  I guess it really is the little things that you miss the most. 

Okay, the tears are flowing freely as I type so I will just end.  Of course, no March, April or May post would be complete without mentioning "Relay for Life".  My fundraising has gone well but I am so far behind last year.  But behind is okay.  One can only beg so much before completely alienating everyone.  But I'm not at that point yet, so here goes.  First, to those that have already generously donated to my fundraising efforts; thank you.  To those that haven't had the chance to make a donation, here is your chance.  Relay for Life only works when we as a community come together to raise funds to Fight Back against cancer in all it's many forms.  Help make another birthday a reality.  To make a donation to support me in my Relay for Life efforts, just click on the footprint below.

You can donate online via credit card or by check by printing a donation sheet and mailing to the American Cancer Society.  Please make checks payable to the American Cancer Society.  The donation form can also be found by following the same link.  All donations are 100% tax deductible.

There are two ways to get me to stop asking for a donation: 1) Tell me to stop asking (not my personal favorite but highly effective) -or- 2) Make a donation (my favorite and equally effective).   Either way, thank you for your time and consideration as well as all the support and prayers that I feel every day.

REMEMBER * CELEBRATE * FIGHT BACK