Radiation, Coronavirus vaccine, Hormone Therapy and Stress

Radiation, coronavirus vaccine, hormone therapy and stress.  Which is the most debilitating?  Maybe one by itself wouldn't be so bad, but added together and it is kicking my butt.  However, lets go one at a time.

First: Radiation - If anyone who has done the 6 1/2 week radiation treatment cycle says its bad, they typically are talking about the daily trip there and back.  That truly is the worst part of the treatment itself. There are however, the side effects.  Depending on the type of cancer, those side effects can vary.  Most everyone experiences some level of fatigue.  The fatigue may be the result of the 6 1/2 weeks of preparing, going, doing, returning on their Monday thru Friday schedule.  Regardless of the cause, there is a level of fatigue that creeps in.  The other side effects are really dependent upon where the radiation is being targeted.  In my case, the beam is very close to gastrointestinal areas.  With that in mind, my main side effects have been bloating, diarrhea, increased urgency to urinate and blood in both urine and stools.  All very normal per my care team and expected, albeit unpleasant, side effects.  Last radiation treatment as of now is scheduled for March 29.

Second: Hormone therapy - The name is quite misleading as the injections are not a therapy at all, but rather a hormone blocker.  Specifically testosterone.  Side effect - decreased muscle mass, weight gain especially in the mid-section, and fatigue.  There are some others, but I won't go into those in an effort to not get too personal.

Coronavirus vaccine:  Or lack there of.  Steve got his vaccination along with all our siblings since they are all older.  I however have never wished to be older in all my life, but alas, as of this typing, I'm only 63 years old.  Next month I will be 64, but that still doesn't get me vaccinated any quicker.  The only bright spot is that the Governor has indicated that effective March 17, I will be eligible since I have cancer (a co-morbity).  Needless to say, I will be on the phone all day on March 17.

Stress:  All the above, brimming over, ready to melt down on some days.  My blood pressure issue has never been worse.  My PCP has changed my blood pressure medications 3 times since December.  Each Monday after radiation treatment I see my radiation care team (Doctor, Nurse Practitioner, Nurse) which means that vitals are taken.  They clearly are concerned each time they take my blood pressure - even though masked the eyebrows usually go up - and many times they re-take it after telling me to relax.  That statement always makes me laugh inside a little.  I'm at the Duke Cancer Center receiving radiation treatment for cancer, I'm unable to qualify for a vaccine due to being 63 years old, regardless of health, each day I am in a waiting room (a large waiting room where everyone is socially distant, but still) with many people that I have no idea who they are or how they conduct their lives outside of that room, my blood pressure is sky rocketing, and I'm getting fat!  Sure, I'll just relax.

Not that I'm counting but I have 10 more treatments as of this writing.

Day 35 - Stimulus check

Yes, the stimulus money was deposited today.  Yay.  Helps offset my leaving work a month early.  Not feeling quite as guilty over that.

I also got a few Easter photos from Phyllis & Sara of Hayden on Easter Sunday.  Last year we were there for the Easter Egg hunt where she had to be carried all over the place.  This year she did it on her own, once she understood what was expected, and I am incredibly sorry that we could not be there due to COVID-19. 

The photos and the video that was sent will just have to do, but of course, it's not the same as being there.  Hopefully next year.  But that brings up all kinds of other questions.  Will it be ok to travel during the holidays in the late fall/winter?  Yes, I know that is a LONG way off, but let's be real.  It's not like this virus is just going to magically disappear.  Before that is Hayden's 2nd birthday. That's the end of June.  Will we be able to be there?  CJ & Maria are supposed to come see us the 2nd week of July.  Is that going to be safe?  What about Thanksgiving?  This is supposed to be an Ohio year for Christmas.  That means having to stay in a hotel.  Not sure how I feel about that prospect.  

Ok, I'm getting carried away.  I need to not focus that far ahead, right?  Let's get through April and find out when the Stay at Home orders are lifted...not that the actual order will matter much to me. I'm still keeping my distance, wearing my masks until there is definitive PROOF that it's safe and the coronavirus is a thing of the past.

COVID-19 - I'm waiting for your answer.

Well this was certainly unexpected!  No, not the virus, everyone but the cheeto in the White House saw this coming, I meant what was unexpected is that I am back writing on my blog.  The original reason for the blog was to let a large group of people know in as easy a way as possible, all that was going on with Joe and myself after Joe's pancreatic cancer diagnosis.  Then it segued into also being a way for me to let out a lot of the feelings and stress that I was dealing with during his radiation and chemo treatments, subsequent surgery, unknown number of hospital stays and then during the time after his death.

Two years later "The Big C Not Middle C" morphed into more about my own cancer diagnosis, treatment and ultimately my surgery. (with a little bit of happy news thrown in there for good measure including my engagement, wedding and the building of our new home).  Then I said good-bye to the blog....but for some reason, kept the website subscription just in case there should ever be a time when I wanted to write, or vent, or a combination of the two.  Then lo' and behold, COVID-19.

What was supposed to be my May 1, 2020 retirement became my March 28, 2020 retirement after working from home since March 10th.  The story of leaving work earlier than anticipated, might at some point be interesting, but at the moment my former job is the last thing I think about.  Seriously, it is amazing how something that was so "front and center" for a HUGE part of my daily life, can instantly disappear from my consciousness.  Just goes to show how absolutely ready I was for my retirement.  But I digress.

So what about this virus, huh?  I know everyones life has been upended by it in some way.  Those having to continue to go to work at a physical location outside of their home probably haven't seen a big disruption - and I don't minimize how their lives have changed and the stresses of having to go out constantly must bring - but the part about just seeing the same four walls, day in and day out.  This is going to get completely maddening very soon.  Introverts are loving it - cue Steve - but I don't exactly fall into the introvert category and it can be very disconcerting to say the least.  It isn't exactly how I imagined retirement.  We have already canceled the first planned trip which was set for May 9-16.  Yes, I know, the "Stay at Home" order runs through April 30.  But really, who out there actually believes that in just under 4 weeks, it is going to be safe to start traveling?  If you do, can you please give me your reasoning or rationale or at the very least share the prescription for whatever drug you are on?  I have my own theories but then I have always fallen into the pessimistic side of the spectrum - more of a glass half empty kind of guy - and would honestly like to know when you think it will be "safe" to resume our normal way of life?  I don't mean when the cheeto says it's ok.  I mean when you think this virus will have run it's course enough that going to the grocery store without gloves and a mask will be ok...when getting on an airplane and being encapsulated with 100+ other humans with the air that everyone is breathing being recirculated for several hours will be ok....when shaking hands as a greeting or heaven forbid, giving a hug to the wonderful elderly lady at church will not risk her life??  When?   I'm waiting for your answer.  I have no where I have to be.