Another Day at Duke

Well the night proved to be somewhat restless sleeping. But it was worth it. The CT scan showed no growth of the tumor. That is one full year since Joe started this chemo regiment with no growth. That is incredible news. The not so great news is that the pain and swelling he has been experiencing in his right leg might be due to a blood clot. Therefore, right after his chemo treatment today we will go to Duke south for him to have an ultrasound on his leg. If there is a blood clot, he will have to go on shots of blood thinner 2 times per day. Fun fun! I will update after we get the ultrasound results. Even with this "glitch", we are reveling in the no growth of the tumor.

Update to come soon.

Ultrasound was done at 11:48am and we are now out.  There is no blood clot but we don't know what the issue might be yet.  The ultrasound technician couldn't come right out and say, but he did tell Joe that if it was a blood clot he would have to go back over to the clinic to see the doctor.  Then he told Joe he could go home, which means no clot.  Maybe it is just a pulled muscle in his calf or something.  I'm sure if anything does show on the ultrasound that is of any concern, the doctor will let us know.   Right now we will revel in the CT scan results and relax!

Thank you for all the good wishes and prayers!!!!

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.....

That is the sound of the clock as the hands slowly work their way towards tomorrow morning. Ok, actually we don't have a single clock in the house that actually makes a tick tock sound. They are all digital like in most households but in my mind I can almost hear the hands moving very slowly. Tomorrow we get the results of Joe's CT Scan from Monday. It's been a long 4 days. Trying to think about sleep, but I know that the moment I lay down my eyes will pop open. We hate the night before results. This is scan number 4 or 5? I've lost track. Oh well, I'll give bed a try...maybe watch a little Netflix on the iPad (of course I do that every night).

Will report in the morning once we have results.

And Now We Wait.............

Yep, that's what we do now. Today Joe had his scheduled CT Scan at the Duke Cancer Center. Although getting his lab work done took awhile, once that was done he was in and out of radiology very quickly. The only problem now is that we have to wait until Thursday morning to get the results when we go for his regular oncology appointment and chemo infusion. It will be a long 4 days. But we've made it through the waiting for results from past scans, so there's no reason this should be any different. But those of you that know me know I'm not a very patient person. That added to the emotional roller-coaster that Joe and I have been on the last month with his mother and sister, makes for some anxious times.

Joe did finally speak with his mother today, but it wasn't the conversation he had wanted to have, and he hadn't planned on having one at all with her today. However, when the mail came, lo and behold, there was a letter from her (actually more like a series of rambling notes) but also included in the envelope was the bulletin from the Baptist church that Joe grew up in. It seems that his mother visited there recently, she always returns to Roanoke Rapids to have her taxes done so that's probably when she last attended, and felt the need to include the bulletin. And guess what was in it....c'mon, take a guess.....If you guessed an appeal to the congregation to go vote in favor of North Carolina's Amendment One on May 8th, then you're a winner. The same crap that was in the bulletin from her church in Greenville that she sent, and claimed ignorance of - "I never would have sent it to you had I seen that in there" - she goes and sends from another church. Joe called her up to tell her to stop and her response was once again, "I didn't read that in there, I only sent it because your name is on their prayer list". Really? You expect me to believe that as much as you pour over every little detail of every little thing, that on 2 separate occassions, you didn't notice the Amendment One political pleas, and on those same 2 occassions you just happen to send the bulletins? I might be naive about some things, but I'm not stupid. I know passive aggressive when I see it, hear it or read it.

I've written several letters to her over the past few weeks and this past weekend, Joe sent her a letter as well. We had thought that his first communication with her would be via letter, but when her letter arrived, Joe took the bull by the horns and called her. According to him, it wasn't as hostile a conversation as the last one he had with her, but it wasn't a pleasant one either. I wish I had the nerve to post the letter itself. If it wasn't so incredibly sad what effect this has had on Joe, it would almost be comical. He did post a photo of the section from the bulletin on Facebook today. It was quick on getting comments too.

I want to take a moment and switch topics, if I may. I want to thank some people in our lives who have been especially thoughful and caring. I could just say the entire congregation at Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church, as everyone has been wonderful but there are some specific people that have truly become incredibly special to me for a variety of reasons. You are the people who weekly take the time to come up to me and speak, shake my hand, lend an ear, make an inquiry and offer a prayer and a smile. Having Chelsea and Jeanette bring the babies over and letting me get some sugar from them. I love each of you for your caring. I didn't think I could fall in love with such a large group of people, but it has become so easy because all of you have been so wonderful to me. Thank you.

Thank Goodness It's Thursday...

Not that I'm wishing my life away, but I do wish it was Friday already.  It's been a long week, both at work and at home.  The biggest hurdle for me this week has been my allergies.  The biggest hurdle for Joe has been fatigue and swelling in his right calf along with some pain.  Yesterday he said it was feeling better but that will be something on the radar for his oncology appointment next Thursday morning at Duke.  During each exam they are always checking his feet and ankles for swelling, so I am assuming this might be a normal reaction, but none the less we will be sure and mention to the doctor.  This has been his week off from chemo until the next round of 3 weeks starts next week.  Also next week he has a new CT scan to check on the status of the tumor.  The scan is Monday but we won't know the results until Thursday (April 26) at his regular appointment.  I like it much better when there is only a day or 2 before we get results.  Four days is just torture.  Talk about anxiety!

But enough about him, let's talk about me!   Just kidding.   However, at work it looks like a decision on where we are moving our office has been determined.  The new office location is just about 1/2 mile up the road but there is so much to be done.  Besides just the physical move, there are a myriad of other things to get done:  phones, internet, copier/printer set up, moving the server, installation of the new desks & cubicles, new lobby furniture & furnishings, new reception desk and on and on and on.  I made more phone calls yesterday than I have in the last 2 weeks combined.  I talked to so many service folks that when they started calling me back, I didn't know who was who.  I thought at one point I was talking to the IT guy and it turned out to be the phone guy and then I thought I was talking to the cubicle supplier and it was the cleaning service.  Too many names to remember!!!  I need an assistant to get through this.  But that's enough complaining.

Today, Joe took Dolly to the vet for her annual check-up at 9am, then a piano lesson at 10:30 and then wait around the house for the garage door repair people.  Last night when we got home from choir practice, the garage door would only open about 2 feet.  Even with Joe's Beetle, it would not fit under.  We had to manually open the door (it's very heavy by the way and get Joe's car inside.  Then this morning manually open the door again (it's even heavier at 7:30am) to get my car and Joe's outside.  Hopefully it will be an easy and not to expensive fix.  It does mean that Joe is trapped at the house until they show up.

Dolly on the way home from her check-up

This weekend will be a busy one:  Joe will be accompanying the Durham Public Schools Elementary Honors Chorus today and tomorrow. Concert tomorrow at 7pm at Riverside HS. He has done this for the past several years and is looking forward to working with the conductor, Tom Shelton.  Saturday we will go do early voting at our precinct, a Costco run, and round up all old electronics for the free disposal/recycle in Durham on Sunday.  Sunday we will have church starting at 7:30am, after the 11am service drive to downtown Durham to drop off the electronics, be at the church before 5pm for Joe to work with the youth, then be back in downtown Durham by 6:30pm to be at DPAC for "Bring It On".  It should be a good weekend and as long as I can keep my sneezing and wheezing to a minimum, all will be fine.

*****Breaking News*****
3:30pm - Joe called me at the office and is running a fever and has chills. He called the Duke oncology triage phone number and left a message for Dr. Zafar. His nurse Daryl called back shortly thereafter and Joe told her what was going on. She told him to keep taking the Tylenol periodically and if he starts getting naseaus or throwing up, head to the ER. His temp is like a bouncing ball: up & down, up & down. He had to cancel playing for the elementary honors chorus and I'm not sure if I will go to Bible study or not. As most of you know, I worry.
6:00pm - He has eaten, temp is down for the moment. Hopefully this has all been a fluke and will be over soon.

Thank you for everyone's continued prayers and support.  We have the best friends in the world!

Round 3, Going, Going, Gone!

Today is the last of this chemo cycle for Joe at the Duke Cancer Center.  He texted me at 8:25a.m. this morning that he was done with his lab work and was in the food court getting his breakfast.  We have our fingers crossed that this chemo infusion goes off without a hitch.  His neutrofile count was only 1.9 for last week's labs and the magic number for not being able to get the infusion is 1.5.  Here's hoping he doesn't get a message once he is up in chemo that his numbers didn't drop much.  There have been other occassions where his round 2 counts have been low and rebounded for round 3, but then there have been others where they have dropped.  He's never had to skip an infusion due to low counts, but we've known since this chemo regiment began that it is a likely possibility at some point.  Just hope today isn't that point.  It's been a good week coming off the PGUMC Maundy Thursday Cantata, "The Shadow of the Cross" and the special Easter Sunday music.  He's still getting very positive feedback from Sunday.  Monday was my day off so we went out for lunch and did a couple of errands.  That night we went to Playmakers Theatre at UNC to see a staged reading of Dustin Lance Black's play, "8".  We had seen the LA staged reading on YouTube with an All Star Cast.  We were hoping that Brad Pitt & George Clooney might fly in to repeat their roles, but alas.......  All in all a relaxing day.  His cousin Steve from Asheville came to see us on Tuesday night so Joe and Steve spent the day yesterday exploring downtown Durham and Hillsborough (while I trudged along at work I might add).  Specifically they went to Ayr Mount in Hillsborough.  An estate dating back to 1815.  Both of them were quite impressed.  Here's a photo from Joe's phone, but let me warn you, his phone takes crappy photos.

But they had a great time and that is all that matters.  Steve left last night around dinner time to head back.  Me?  The spring allergies have finally caught up with me.  I usually start the minute the first pollen starts floating around, but I've managed to keep it at bay until the last couple of days.  And they have come on with a vengence!  I was asleep on the sofa around 7:30 last night and managed to wake up long enough around 8:30 to drag myself up to bed.  I'm throwing every allergy medication possibly at it.  Today, I sit at work with water running down my cheeks from my itchy eyes, my trash basket is filling up quickly with disgarded/used tissues and thus far my record for continuous sneezing is 7 in a row.  The phrase "Calgon, take me away" comes to mind.  How long will I last, who knows. 

9:20am and Joe is in his chemo infusion room so his blood counts must have been ok.  That is a big relief.  Now if they will just get him hooked up so he can be out before 10:30am and all will be right with the world, except for my sneezing!

The situation with Joe's family has yet to be resolved.  Joe isn't ready yet to open the lines of communication.  His pain runs too deep right now and it is all too fresh in his mind.  We have talked about him writing to them one day soon but for right now it is status quo with regard to them.

Thank you for all your continued prayers and support.  We are touched each time someone offers a prayerful thought or reaches out to us either online, by phone or in person.  We are surrounded by a lot of love and feel it each and every day.  Thank you.



Easter Weekend

I wanted to take a moment and express appreciation to everyone who came out last night to Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church for the Maundy Thursday service. The choir did an incredible job, as did the musicians and Rev. Jay Minnick. Bravo to each of you. The "Shadow of the Cross" is an emotionally stirring cantata and something everyone should experience at least once during Holy Week. But I have to say an especially big JOB WELL DONE to Joe. It was his job to pull it all together with working with the choir and making sure everyone was in the right places at the right times. He did it flawlessly. I know I'm prejudiced but I don't think anyone could have done it all better. Apparently many people agree with me on how beautiful and moving the service was as I heard many comments last night and have gotten many messages today. The crowd was twice as large as last year which was incredible. I also want to say thank you to so many of our fellow Thursday night Bible Study group for coming out. It was great to see you.

Today after work we went back to PGUMC for the Stations of the Cross. A time to quietly reflect on the Easter season.

Joe's choir has special anthems for Easter Sunday as well. They will sing at both the 8:30am and 11:00am services. If you don't have plans for church this Sunday, we would love to see you at Pleasant Grove.

But tonight, enjoy your Good Friday and the beautiful full moon.

Round 2 of April Chemo, Done!

Joe finished round 2 of this 3 week cycle of chemo at Duke this morning.  His lab appointment was a little later which allowed him to "sleep in" until 6:45am.  That may not seem like much but it's an hour later than last week.  He was out of the Duke Cancer Center by 11am.  Not too shabby.  His routine for today: lunch with a friend and then the afternoon relaxing in preparation for tonights Maundy Thursday service at Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church.  He had the choir and instrumentalists practicing overtime last night.  The work though was paying off as they sounded wonderful.



It should be a wonderful service.  It's been several years since the choir did "Shadow of the Cross".  Please come out for the service at 7:30pm at PGUMC.  You will not be disappointed.  Joe, the choir and all the instrumentalists have worked very hard and it should be a very moving service.



Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers.  They are greatly appreciated.

Round 1 of April's Chemo Cycle is Done!

Today was Joe's first round of chemo for April at the Duke Cancer Center (and yes I know it's still March, but that's how the schedule worked out).  The lab work was scheduled for a little later and this time there was a doctors appointment in the mix.  Also, I was at the doctors appointment which always makes it longer because I talk so much.  With all that and the fact that we had to make the appointments for the next round and the CT scan, it took more time than usual for Joe to get up to the 4th floor infusion center.  So he got there late, which meant he had to wait.  Chemo didn't begin until a little after 11 a.m. (the appointment was for 9:15am) so needless to say this will not be a record setting day.  However, we did have some fun in the exam room.  This was Joe's first time in one of the new exam rooms since they moved to the new center, and my first time there period.  We had to pass the time waiting for the doctor somehow, so..........




Joe is still rebounding from the unfortunate events of last week, as am I.  However, both of us have calmed down significantly and occassionally even have a laugh about some aspects of it all.  We've had lots of conversations with Joe's brother and his wife, mostly in an attempt to make sense of it all, but thus far haven't really been successful.  And as a friend of ours who is a minister on the coast says, "STOP!  You can't make sense of people who are so entrenched in beliefs like that, so don't even try".  All of our friends and my family have been so supportive and caring.  I want to thank each of you for helping both of us get through this trying time, but most especially for helping Joe.  He is the most precious person in the world to me and seeing him having to deal with such emotional pain is quite difficult.

Right now though, he has many distractions.  Most importantly, the Maundy Thursday service on April 5th where the choir will do "Shadow of the Cross".  It is one of the most beautiful and stirring musical adventures you will ever hear.  If you have never attended a Maundy Thursday service and would like to hear some amazing musicians and voices, please consider coming to Pleasant Grove United Methodist Church on the evening of the 5th.  I think you would truly enjoy the experience. Joe should be posting some photos of last night rehearsal on Facebook sometime tonight or tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for Joe and support him, especially this past week.  If you know Joe, you love Joe.  He's just that type of person.

Some Nights just Drag On

Its now after 1 a.m. and I'm laying here in bed listening to the soft sound of Joe sleeping, so thankful that he is able to sleep. The stress of the last two days have been unbearable for him. Having words with his mother on Thursday, my verbal assault of her the same evening, this mornings pronouncement from his sister during a phone conversation that we are both going to hell and then the cherry on top; his sister telling his brother that she thinks we are mentally ill. A person can only take so much. A person suffering from a horrible disease can take even less before it takes it's toll. Joe and his mother and sister have always been extremely close. This is devastating to him. I know I made matters worse by my explosion of vile language, but I can't take it back. Even if I could, all I would do is change the words, the intent would be the same.

I thought after only a few hours of sleep last night that sleep would come easy tonight. Too much running through my mind. Do I want to try and make it better with his mother and sister? Will I do more harm than good by even trying? Would it be futile given how entrenched they are in their beliefs? Do I just shut up and try to comfort Joe? He has lost in all of this. He is wounded and numb. I am guilt ridden for my part. Sleep just want come as I watch the clock tick closer to 2 a.m.

A Mothers Love

I started this blog post yesterday morning and it had a completely different spin to it.  It was all about how this was an off week for chemo for Joe, that although he had had a good week off, he had been a little tired due to his hectic schedule which includes piano students every day and 2 evenings of being an accompanist and then 1 night of choir rehearsal.  Except for my mentioning how grueling my work had been this week, all in all it was a very positive post.   Then I came home from work.

Joe as usual asked me how my afternoon was and I did my usual complaining about things (although this particular afternoon I had more to complain about).  But I didn't go on too bad.  That was when Joe showed me what he had gotten in the mail from his mother.  Generally speaking I am a good person.  I have tried very hard to be a better person and much of that is due to my love for and relationship with Joe.  He is truly the best person I have ever met.  He is even tempered, tolerant, kind, giving and in my eyes, perfect.  For that reason among others I have always tried to protect him.  When someone does or says something that I feel might hurt his feelings, I take it personally.  I launch into protective mode and depending on what has been said or done, my reaction can range from just comforting him to striking out at the one that has offended/hurt him.  Today that someone was his mother.  She has never been happy with our relationship although she has always smiled and even when she has said something that wasn't very nice, she has had a smile plastered on her face.  Sort of like a snake waiting to strike.  Well last night I was the viper, and I struck at her - Loudly, with harsh, vulgar language.  She can't do or say something and expect a smile or using the word "lovingly" to mask the hateful, bigoted, ignorant speech that spews out of her. (I know, you're saying to yourself, don't hold back Jeff, say what you really mean).

She had mailed Joe a copy of her church bulletin with her "notes" that she had taken.  The topic, homosexuality and how her free will baptist church interprets the Bible.  Their bulletin also has a lovely printed part about how everyone should vote in favor of Amendment One, the so called Gay Marriage Ban amendment.  Somehow, at this  church they don't understand the separation of church and state.  A call to some government officials or attorneys might be in order to see about their tax status since they are clearly "breaking the rules" about said separation.  Below is the bulletin where you can read the bigoted rhetoric.  Just click on the photo to make larger so you can read.

But if that wasn't enough, she also included her notes that I mentioned above.  Since it may be hard for you to read, her handwriting is atrocious, I'll interpret for you below the photo.  Again, you can click on the photo to get a better look.

Title: The Consequences of Spurning God
Romans1: 22-32
Spurning God leads to...
1)Senseless idolatry (22-23)
2)Sexual perversion (24-27); preoccupation with sexuality (24-25); participation in homosexuality (26-27) God's intention, established at creation: creation of male and female (Gen. 1-2); Institution of marriage (Lev. 20:22, Lev 20: 132 (I Cor. 6: 9&10) (I Timothy 1:9-10)
3)Sweeping wickedness (25-32) 1. Don't be embarrassed by biblical teaching on any subject; 2. Maintain compassionate connections; 3. Be prepared to suffer for your convictions; 4. Don't joke about homosexuality; 5. Don't treat homosexuals disparagingly; 6. Confess any known shortcomings to your children & ask for forgiveness; 7. Provide healthy attention, touching, and loving to your children; 8. Love them, pray for them, & speak truth to them when they will hear it; 9. Through Jesus a homosexual can overcome and know that freedom from homosexual sin can come through faith in Christ & the Power of the Holy Spirit.

That's the text of her note in the bulletin.  But the biggest kicker is that she included a note to me and Joe saying that since we are studying Romans at our church and she was studying Romans too, she thought we would like these notes.   Like them?!?  It also would not have been such a blow to us had she not sent us a Congratulations card two weeks after we got married in Connecticut.  I guess hypocrisy goes along with bigotry.

Last night we met with our pastor and discussed today's happenings in detail, leaving out nothing, even my strong language.  As best he could he comforted us and we left knowing that we are children of God, that Jesus does love us, that the actions and words of some can not detract from our relationship and that we should continue to comfort one another.  Our faith has helped us reduce the stress from Joe's illness, a point his doctors have pointed out again and again, reduce stress - both emotionally and physically - stay positive and that is what we have tried to do for the last 1 1/2 years.   We don't need anyone else inserted their beliefs into our lives in an effort to drive a wedge between us or upset Joe to the point of tears and inability to sleep.

If there is nothing else that we hope people reading this can take from this experience is that proponents of North Carolina's proposed Amendment One to our states constitution will use this type of bigoted, hate filled speech as well as misguided and misused verses from the Bible.  The oddest part is that most people think of this amendment as only having to do with gay people.  Unfortunately, the part about gay marriage is only a small part of the amendment, the rest will adversely affect the straight population as well.  Before anyone goes to the polls to vote, at the very least, they should read the proposed amendment in full and it's possible consequences for all citizens of the State of North Carolina.  Not just listen to what might be preached from the pulpit of those churches and establishments that have their own agenda.  It's already against the law for gays to marry here.  Why mess with a change in our constitution?.

So it wasn't a good day.  But since I did start to post an upbeat message yesterday morning, I will close with it.

Joe is so happy that his pansies that were planted in December have finally sprouted flowers and the red bud in the backyard is now starting to bloom.  Joe loves flowers and color!

Thank you for the continued support and prayers.  We appreciate each and everyone of them and need them as well.

Friday afternoon update:  Now we have found out from Joe's brother that in a conversation he had with their sister that in her opinion, Joe and I are mentally ill, and of course "going to hell".  But that part is old news since she told Joe this morning on the phone that we were going to hell.  It's beginning to look like the female side of the Luptons put the "dys" in dysfunctional.  Needless to say, the conversation between Bill & Bettie (Joe's brother and sister) did not go well, leaving Bill shaken and requiring him to take the day off just to calm down.
Bill is my hero!

WooHoo! A New Record!!!!!!!

This is what I'm talking about!  I love the new Duke Cancer Center.  Joe had a 7a.m. lab appointment followed by an 8:20am chemo appointment.  He was done with the labs by 7:05am, in the food court getting his breakfast and then went on up and checked into the chemo infusion center.  They buzzed him for his chemo treatment around 7:55a.m. and had the saline (that comes before the chemo & steriods) flowing by 8:05 a.m..  At 9:06am, he had completed the infusion and by 9:15 was already out of the parking deck and on Erwin Road!  WooHoo!  He has a full day to relax and do whatever he wants with this behind him.  The other best part, no more doctor/chemo/lab appointments until March 29. 

Ok, Joe has been pestering me for weeks to post his photos of one of the bathrooms at the Duke Cancer Center. Why, I have no idea.  Seems a bit crude to me, but even last night on the way home from PGUMC choir practice, he asked me again when was I going to post them.  So in an effort to stop his whining, here are the 2 photos.  One outside the bathroom and one inside the bathroom.  I'm sure everyone will share my enthusiasm (sarcastic moment here) about these photos.

Water fountain outside mens bathroom (please don't ask me why he took a photo of this)

Inside the bathroom (note Joe's bag and Chic-fil-A cup - Again, I have no idea why this was so important to him)

But that's it for now.  Chemo cycle completed, a week off for Joe, and I continue my normal routine.  I hope everyone has a great week and I look forward to seeing some of you in the coming days.

Thank you for the continued prayers and support.  All our readers and friends are the best!!!