1 test down, just biopsy to go

I had the ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response) test on Monday.  However I won't know the results for several days.  The description that the ENT gave me when she told me about the test wasn't exactly accurate.  There were a few factors that she didn't tell me about.  1- the fact that these tiny ear buds would be crammed into my ears with a thunderous clicking sound that would drone on for 20 minutes.  2- the relax in a recliner actually was sit uncomfortably in an exam chair.  With my height, those things never fit right, especially the head rest which usually just comes up to the base of my skull.  3- she never mentioned that during the entire test I have to remain stone still.  But I made it through and now I wait.

The biopsy is Thursday afternoon.  I have to admit that I'm not sure if I'm more nervous or just freaked out.  Hard to tell the difference at this point.  I thought I had been handling all this quite well except for the whole lack of sleep thing until Sunday afternoon.  I let my emotions get a little out of control while watching a silly TV show where a character died.  Funny how something inconsequential can set you off. So I cried for a little while.  A little for me, a little for Joe, a little for Aimee.  Sort of spread it around some.

I find all this so strange.  In the weeks & months following Joe's death, I thought about what I would do if I were to get sick.  I was grieving so much, I wasn't sure that I would even want to seek treatment.  However, when you get sick and you're hurting, it's a different story.  I never really thought about the aspect of possibly hurting.  Sick, not hurting, no real ailments...maybe no treatment is an option and just pass along quietly.  However, sick and hurting...you want treatment.  Or at the very least, REALLY good pain meds!!  So I'll wait and see what the ENT recommends and I'll wait and see what the Urologist recommends.  But those that know me, know I am not a patient person and I most definitely am not a patient patient.

Pray for me.