New Decade, New Adventure

I sat at work today as it was admittedly slower than normal and from out of nowhere, I thought about what my life was like in 2000.  We were starting a new century, a new decade, and I was just a couple of months into a new adventure in my life.  After quite a long debate, Joe and I had decided it was time for me to move to Durham with him.  I had delayed moving to Durham because it would mean quitting my job and there were no prospects on the horizon.  Therefore the decision was made, take ANY job that I could find that would put me gainfully employed, and move.  Once that I had that mindset, I received a job offer, and within 30 days the truck was loaded and me and the kitties headed to Durham permanently.  That was October 29, 1999.  Two months later the year 2000 was upon us.    
            

Those first few years were interesting in and of themselves with many adventures.  January 2000 saw the record snow in Durham of nearly 22 inches at one time.  I changed jobs one year after moving and my new job required some travel and on September 11, 2001 I was on an airplane, like many others, heading to a regional conference in DC when the planes hit the towers.  There were tense times for Joe and my family until they knew where my plane was.  On one fall morning in 2002, I heard a sound outside only to see cadaver sniffing dogs going from car to car parked at our townhouse building.  A quick phone call to Joe and we were looking for a new home that afternoon after he got out of school.  We closed on the new house in April 2003, starting yet another new adventure.  

The fall of 2003, I left my job, started real estate school and by the summer of 2004, was a full time Realtor®.  In the spring of 2007, Joe was counting down the days until his retirement in June. Once he retired, we were able to travel a little more and we hit timeshare after timeshare.  In October 2010, after spending a week at the beach with his mom, he returned home and I noticed how yellow his skin was.  Within 2 weeks we had his pancreatic cancer diagnosis and our lives took a very unexpected turn.  That experience forever changed me.  

In August 2011 we traveled to Glastonbury, CT and were married and then in January 2013, Joe died.  Most of the time from October 2010 to January 2013 is permanently seared into my brain.  I can recall almost every hospitalization, every chemo treatment, every scan, every appointment to hear results, every conversation with our oncology team.  However, the time from January 2013 to July 2015 is mostly just a blur.  Many aspects of my life during that time seem to have been filmed through a dark, cloudy lens.


July 2015 was when I got my prostate cancer diagnosis.  That was a fun day….not!  But just a couple of weeks later I met Steve.  That night the veil, the cloud, the smudged lens seemed to clear.  Yes, it was instantaneous.  I knew.  In March 2017 we were wed.  Since Joe and I had to go all the way to Connecticut to be married and had just 3 friends with us, I wanted a big wedding this time.  I got my wish.  200 guests later, surrounded by all our family and with friends from far and wide watching, Steve and I were married.  

In July 2017, my home in Durham went on the market for sale and closed in 29 days.  In August 2017, I had a radical prostatectomy to remove the cancer.  February 2018 saw Steve and I write an offer on a new construction home and in November 2018 we closed on that home.  Steve retired in July 2019 and has been learning how to live after working for 40+ years.  What turned out to be a very long and painful process of clearing out our home in Raleigh finally was completed and by August 2019 we were signing the closing documents on the sale of that home.


Here we are.  In our new home (quite beautiful by the way) and the next decade has appeared.  What does it hold?  Many new adventures.  Right now the most pressing would appear to be quite exciting, although somewhat scary.  I plan on retiring on May 1, 2020.  That will mean that I am leaving the workforce myself after 42 years of full-time employment.  Wow.  42 years.  Will I miss it?  Hmmmm, let me think….NO!

All things must come to an end...

...and so it shall be for this blog.  So much of myself was poured into this site.  First as a more effective way to communicate to friends and far flung family about Joe's cancer, his treatment, his progress or lack thereof, how I was coping, and all aspects of fighting pancreatic cancer from both the perspective of the patient and the caregiver.  This blog proved to be very cathartic in helping me verbalize all the emotions that swirled around inside me during that terrifying 2 1/2 years before Joe's death and then continued still for the years immediately following as I learned to cope with being a widower.  It was also there for me when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and although my cancer was not the ultimate death sentence that Joe's pancreatic cancer was, it helped me most by allowing me to occasionally vent.  But the blog did its job both for me and for the readership.  It spread the word and gave me an outlet.

While my surgery was a success, I do still have to do followup testing to make sure the cancer hasn't returned, but thus far I'm good.  Next appointment in April.

But so much more has happened that I have rarely wrote about.  I sold mine & Joe's home.  I only wrote a couple of posts about my new relationship, the engagement, the wedding and subsequent honeymoon.  Since the last post early last year, we have built a house, closed on it, moved in and are preparing the old house for sale.  There hasn't been a single point of focus in my life other than my marriage and the building of the home.  Nothing that needed to be talked about to help.  That was what the blog was most about, helping me cope.  Most posts during Joe's illness were composed after midnight while he slept and I cried.  Most posts were typed with me sitting or lying next to him watching him breathe just in case it was his last.  Most posts had to be rewritten several times because sometimes I said too much.  Sharing is great, sharing too much is scary.

But I digress.  For now, I am going to close the blog.  Should events warrant, it could reappear.  However, for now, please wish me luck & love.  Remember Joe Lupton for the incredible man that he was.  Allow him to live in your memories and your hearts.  But most of all, smile whenever you do think of him as I am sure he is smiling down on each and everyone of us all the time.

I love you Joe.  I always will.  It will be a happy day when we are reunited.  I know you've been watching, but I have SO much to catch you up on.  In the meantime, give John a hug from Steve, tell him I am taking care of Steve and that when all 4 of us are together we will have some great stories to share.

Holiday Season 2017 Comes to an End

It was an incredibly fun holiday season this year.  We had laughs, a party, our health, lots of drinks and beautiful decorations!  Thank you to everyone who we encountered that made Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years so much fun!

I've been remiss

I've been quite remiss at posting.  At guess that is what happens when you are newly married, take a nice long honeymoon, the spring real estate season is in fully swing and you have to make a serious decision on what to do with the cancer growing inside you.

On June 15th I had my yearly biopsy, a little early because my PSA results had come back extremely high, indicating a possible increase in growth of the tumor.  On July 10, I had my consultation of the results and there had indeed been growth and the discussion of what type of treatment or surgery needed to take place.  After Steve & I spoke with my urologist (surgeon) and with my 2 radiation oncologists, it was decided that I was not a good candidate for radiation and that the best option for me was to go ahead and have the surgery.  So, on August 16th, I had a radical prostatectomy at Duke.  According to my surgeon, Dr. Judd Moul, my surgery went extremely well and was practically a textbook example of how it was done.  While I was told what to expect, I have since realized that surgeons while telling you the truth, don't tell you everything (and probably for good reason as no one would probably have surgery ever again).  Recovery has been slow and painful.  I was in the hospital for 2 days coming home on the 18th.  After 25 days at home, I went back to work a few hours a day on September 11th.  That itself has proven to be a challenge.  First was the blurry vision caused by one of the myriad of meds that I was on for the first 2 weeks after the surgery and then there is the inability to sit for more than a couple of hours at a time.  I'm still searching for that perfect cushion that helps.

So here I sit (actually propped up on my hip).  The good part: the pathology report from the removed prostate was good.  There actually were 2 tumors as it turns out, not just one.  The margins from the removed prostrate were very good with no evidence of any spread.  The not so great part: the emotional toll, the psychological toll that this whole thing has taken on me and on Steve.  Also, the physical repercussion from the actual surgery itself and permanent change in my anatomy.  It is trying to say the least.

So those are the highlights of the last couple of months.  But hey, I'm alive :)

Honeymoon!

7 day Royal Caribbean cruise from Ft. Lauderdale to Nassau, Bahamas; Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas; Phillipsburg, St. Maarten and then back to Ft. Lauderdale.  3 Full days at sea.  Glorious!!!!