All things must come to an end...

...and so it shall be for this blog.  So much of myself was poured into this site.  First as a more effective way to communicate to friends and far flung family about Joe's cancer, his treatment, his progress or lack thereof, how I was coping, and all aspects of fighting pancreatic cancer from both the perspective of the patient and the caregiver.  This blog proved to be very cathartic in helping me verbalize all the emotions that swirled around inside me during that terrifying 2 1/2 years before Joe's death and then continued still for the years immediately following as I learned to cope with being a widower.  It was also there for me when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and although my cancer was not the ultimate death sentence that Joe's pancreatic cancer was, it helped me most by allowing me to occasionally vent.  But the blog did its job both for me and for the readership.  It spread the word and gave me an outlet.

While my surgery was a success, I do still have to do followup testing to make sure the cancer hasn't returned, but thus far I'm good.  Next appointment in April.

But so much more has happened that I have rarely wrote about.  I sold mine & Joe's home.  I only wrote a couple of posts about my new relationship, the engagement, the wedding and subsequent honeymoon.  Since the last post early last year, we have built a house, closed on it, moved in and are preparing the old house for sale.  There hasn't been a single point of focus in my life other than my marriage and the building of the home.  Nothing that needed to be talked about to help.  That was what the blog was most about, helping me cope.  Most posts during Joe's illness were composed after midnight while he slept and I cried.  Most posts were typed with me sitting or lying next to him watching him breathe just in case it was his last.  Most posts had to be rewritten several times because sometimes I said too much.  Sharing is great, sharing too much is scary.

But I digress.  For now, I am going to close the blog.  Should events warrant, it could reappear.  However, for now, please wish me luck & love.  Remember Joe Lupton for the incredible man that he was.  Allow him to live in your memories and your hearts.  But most of all, smile whenever you do think of him as I am sure he is smiling down on each and everyone of us all the time.

I love you Joe.  I always will.  It will be a happy day when we are reunited.  I know you've been watching, but I have SO much to catch you up on.  In the meantime, give John a hug from Steve, tell him I am taking care of Steve and that when all 4 of us are together we will have some great stories to share.

Holiday Season 2017 Comes to an End

It was an incredibly fun holiday season this year.  We had laughs, a party, our health, lots of drinks and beautiful decorations!  Thank you to everyone who we encountered that made Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years so much fun!

I've been remiss

I've been quite remiss at posting.  At guess that is what happens when you are newly married, take a nice long honeymoon, the spring real estate season is in fully swing and you have to make a serious decision on what to do with the cancer growing inside you.

On June 15th I had my yearly biopsy, a little early because my PSA results had come back extremely high, indicating a possible increase in growth of the tumor.  On July 10, I had my consultation of the results and there had indeed been growth and the discussion of what type of treatment or surgery needed to take place.  After Steve & I spoke with my urologist (surgeon) and with my 2 radiation oncologists, it was decided that I was not a good candidate for radiation and that the best option for me was to go ahead and have the surgery.  So, on August 16th, I had a radical prostatectomy at Duke.  According to my surgeon, Dr. Judd Moul, my surgery went extremely well and was practically a textbook example of how it was done.  While I was told what to expect, I have since realized that surgeons while telling you the truth, don't tell you everything (and probably for good reason as no one would probably have surgery ever again).  Recovery has been slow and painful.  I was in the hospital for 2 days coming home on the 18th.  After 25 days at home, I went back to work a few hours a day on September 11th.  That itself has proven to be a challenge.  First was the blurry vision caused by one of the myriad of meds that I was on for the first 2 weeks after the surgery and then there is the inability to sit for more than a couple of hours at a time.  I'm still searching for that perfect cushion that helps.

So here I sit (actually propped up on my hip).  The good part: the pathology report from the removed prostate was good.  There actually were 2 tumors as it turns out, not just one.  The margins from the removed prostrate were very good with no evidence of any spread.  The not so great part: the emotional toll, the psychological toll that this whole thing has taken on me and on Steve.  Also, the physical repercussion from the actual surgery itself and permanent change in my anatomy.  It is trying to say the least.

So those are the highlights of the last couple of months.  But hey, I'm alive :)

Honeymoon!

7 day Royal Caribbean cruise from Ft. Lauderdale to Nassau, Bahamas; Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas; Phillipsburg, St. Maarten and then back to Ft. Lauderdale.  3 Full days at sea.  Glorious!!!!