Anniversary Week

A little lazy on this Friday evening and I didn't feel like typing.

Anniversary

This will be a short one.  This has been a relatively good week though work has been slow and it has made for long days.  I worked out at the YMCA four times this week, followed by the sauna or steam room to relax the muscles.  Also on Friday morning when I weighed I had met one of my threshold marks: I broke the 225 lb barrier coming in at 224.6 lbs. YAY!

Friday night I was looking through some saved Word docs on my iPad and getting rid of some that I can't remember why I saved in the first place.  I came across the eulogy that I wrote for Joe's memorial service, re-read it and had a huge cry.  I talked to Joe's mom this morning and once again had some emotional moments.  For those that don't know, this Monday, August 19th, would have been our anniversary.  Another in a long line of firsts but this is a big one.  Not sure how well I'm going to deal with it come Monday as I am already having some issues.  A big help is that my nieces Aimee and Sara are here with me this weekend.  Being around Sara always makes me smile but she too is having a hard time being here without Joe around.  I may be a blood relative, but she loved her Uncle Joe something fierce and is still having problems with his absence.  But then everyone in both families are.

If you are reading this, please say an extra prayer for me in the coming days.  I know that it is going to be rough for me.

Joe, if you are watching me type this, know that I love you and my heart aches every moment of every day because of your absence,  but I know how truly blessed I am to have had such an incredible love with such an incredible man.  You were and are the love of my life.

                                           

Good Week....After A Great Weekend

Good week.....after a great weekend.
Last weekend Rob & Lola visited for 2 days and I had a blast!  They arrived just after lunchtime on Saturday.  Lola had texted me earlier that she had a nail "crisis" and needed a salon immediately. Well one thing that we are not short of here in the Southpoint area of Durham is nail salons.  I found her three within 1/2 mile and she called the first one on the list to make sure they could see her...and they could in 15 minutes.  So off to the Renaissance Center we went and dropped her off in front.  Rob and I miraculously found a Starbucks to get some coffee (I know, they are hard to find right??).  It was nice outside so we sat out front and talked about a variety of topics until Lola called saying she was done.  Within minutes we had her in the back of my car and guess what she wanted...you guessed it, Starbucks.  So back we went.

After that adventure, we came back home and talked for a couple of hours before leaving for dinner at Nantucket Grill.  That's absolutely one of my favorite restaurants (I always get the "Cranberry Bog", but with the new diet, not that night....the buffalo chicken salad instead) and on Tuesday and Saturday nights you get free desserts!  Once again, I couldn't eat it (the diet, remember) but since it is free, I ordered Lola's second choice.  We had to almost threaten Rob to get him to order.  He was all "I don't want dessert.  There's nothing I want".  But dude...it's free! So he did order the peanut butter & chocolate cake and Lola got the coconut cake. (I got the lemon cake for take home for them).

Obviously, once Rob got the cake he dove in.  I was afraid he would choke on the size of the pieces.  We laughed at him so much.  We even had someone from another table come over to comment!  Once we got home, we were here for just a few minutes before Bettie and the kids arrived.  We had a short but very nice visit before they were off to pick up friends at the airport.

Sunday brought church at 11a.m. (thank you PGUMC for being so welcoming of my friends) where Rob & Lola made quite a splash.  Everyone loves them.  But then, I shouldn't be surprised, they are incredible people.  After church was lunch at Saladelia, home for a pit stop where Lola announced she was in a food coma and collapsed on the bed.  However, her bed stop was short lived.  We were meeting her niece and fiancee in Wake Forest at 4pm so off we were back to Wake County.  We had a nice time visiting with Mariah & Jeremy.  The house they are renting is SOOOooo cute and the gym they now own is fantastic.  We also made a side trip to see the church where they are being married and the venue for the reception.  Then of course, it was meal time again.  After a brief post dinner visit we made our way back to Durham, talking and laughing again.
I talked their heads off.  Poor Rob and Lola, they put up with me going on and on.  Not a surprise to anyone who knows me well, huh?  The highlight of the night was talking to Siri in different languages.  It may sound lame, but three people who are tired, have eaten way to much, laying on a large wrap around sofa, can have some good laughs at Siri's expense.

Of course throughout the weekend there were moments where tears flowed, but all in all, we stayed upbeat and laughed so much more.  I was so sad to see them leave on Monday.  That was really the saddest part of the entire weekend.  Two people that Joe loved so much.  When they left, I couldn't help but think about when we were leaving Connecticut after getting married and as Joe and I got to the top of the escalator at the airport, Joe turned and with tears running down his face, said "I don't want to leave them".  I know he was afraid that he might not live long enough to see them again, but he did on our first anniversary last August when we got to spend the weekend with them. We had a blast that weekend with a BIG party and the house was teaming with life and wall to wall people.  This past weekend however, I got to experience a little bit of that again with Rob & Lola.

Thank you Rob and Lola for being such amazing friends to me.  I love both of you with all my heart.  You gave so much to me and Joe.  I can never thank you enough for all that you did for us.

The rest of the week was good as well.  Work was okay, I got my four nights in the gym and this morning when I weighed, I had hit the 37 pound loss!!!!!!! YAY!!!!  Exercise and watching your diet really does work.  It feels awesome.

A Bittersweet Kind of Day

Today has turned into a bittersweet kind of day.  Today at 3pm, I finished my last regularly scheduled therapy appointment at the Duke Cancer Center.  What had once been weekly for the first 3 months, then bi-weekly for a couple of months and since late June, once every three weeks, came to an end today.  After discussion with Jennifer Harsh (my therapist), we decided that maybe this was a good time to stop the regularly scheduled visits and just go with an "as needed" approach.  It comes at a good time for her because as of today she is FULL TIME at the DCC.  However, full time means that approximately 75% of her time will be devoted to research and 25% to counseling/therapy sessions.  This means that if I'm having a particularly hard time or feel the need to reach out to her, her schedule of patients will be far less and thus her schedule much more flexible to see me or just talk on the phone.  While I'm glad that we both feel I've reached the point where this will work, it also means letting go of one more thing that bonded me to Joe, the Cancer Center itself.  After 2 1/2 years of almost weekly visits, it became part of a comfortable routine.  After his death and I began counseling, it remained part of my routine.  I felt comfortable going there.  I even have some good memories there:  when we got good news of no growth but tumor shrinkage; seeing Dr. Zafar & Leigh Howard (who I still adore and admire so much); the familiar and caring faces of the various nurses and staff.  They all became a little bit of an extended family.  One that I have missed, but with my counseling sessions, even though I didn't see them often at all, I knew they were there.  Today, although I can go back anytime I feel it necessary, I moved one step further away from them.  That is what is bittersweet and makes me a bit sad.

After saying goodbye to Jennifer, I got on the elevator and had a good cry on the way down to the 1st floor and on my walk to the parking garage.  I just felt like I was letting another tiny piece of what Joe and I shared slip away.  I know it probably sounds silly to others, but even though it is a very big positive step forward for me, I couldn't help but be sad.

The Duke Cancer Center (left)    Duke Medicine Pavilion (right)

I can't say enough about the care that Joe received and then I have received at the Duke Cancer Center.  It is a world class facility, but even if it was in shambles, if the same employees were there, you couldn't be in better hands.  I owe you 2 1/2 years that I got to spend with Joe that I probably would not have had otherwise.  I also owe you 7 months of helping me regain my footing when it seemed like the ground was crumbling beneath my feet.  If a small crack reappears, I know where to turn.  Thank you.