Only Indirectly About Joe

I am going to swerve away from my usual postings about what is going on with Joe's health or what is going on with our lives for this post for two reasons. 1- Joe is doing well and this is an off week for chemo, so no doctor visits. 2- there was an article today posted on another website in reaction to yesterday's Wake County Commissioners vote in Favor to Support Amendment One in the May 8th election (this is the "anti gay marriage" amendment to our state constitution). If you notice, this is AMENDMENT ONE. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN AN AMENDMENT TO OUR CONSTITUTION BEFORE. The following article is both heart warming and comes from a point of view that I hope those planning to vote in favor of the amendment haven't considered and after reading, might "re-think" their vote.

Hello Commissioners,

I want to take my allotted three minutes to introduce you to two people who have played an extremely important role in my life, to introduce you to two people who I deeply love, two people who have made me the person that I am today.

I want to introduce you to my mom and dad.

They’re the ones sitting over there waving at you shyly; my mother’s the one that’s probably beginning to get teary-eyed at the sight of her little boy speaking in front of the County Commissioners, and my father’s the one who’s been overzealously socializing with the stranger he’s sitting next to up until I started speaking. My dad’s a people person, and just like me, he’s never met a stranger.

Today, I stand before you as someone who has spent most of his young life working to bring about a world where his rights and the rights of his community will be recognized. I stand before you as someone who has had to fight for his very identity. I stand before you as a minority whose right to a family is currently being decided upon by a majority vote. I stand before you as someone whose home state has turned its back on him. I stand before you today as a proud gay man.

But let’s be realistic. I know that you probably don’t think about people like me. I know that you probably don’t think about the families of queer people or about the rights of those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. I know that, at best, many of you may think people like me are strange, and at worst, many of you think that we’re an abomination. I know that you probably don’t think about how this amendment impacts me, even though I grew up in Wake County, even though I completed over 300 community service hours every year in high school, and even though I was one of two Wake County students who received a full-ride scholarship to Duke my year. I know that, no matter what I do, you probably don’t think about people like me.

So I want to introduce you to two people who you will think about. I want to introduce you to two straight people who will be profoundly hurt by the proposed constitutional amendment, because I know that those are the kind of people whose rights and concerns you respect.

I want to introduce you to my parents. I want to introduce you to them because they’re probably not the people that you’ve been thinking about up until now. In your haste to insert discrimination into our state constitution, they’re the kind of people that you’ve forgotten about. I think you’ve forgotten that almost every person who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender has straight parents, has a mom and a dad. I think you’ve forgotten that my family is larger than just my future husband and my future children—my family includes my straight brother, my straight mother, and my straight father. And if this amendment passes, my straight father and mother will be deprived of legal recognition of their grandchildren. If this amendment passes, my straight brother will be deprived of legal recognition of his nieces and nephews.

What I think you’ve forgotten is that what you define as “gay” families are never truly “gay.” You cannot separate my “gay” family from my “straight” one. Everyone that I love, everyone that has shaped who I am, is part of my family, gay or straight. And in your rush to take away my right to a “gay” family, you’re depriving my “straight” family of their rights too.

So if you cannot respect me for who I am; if you cannot respect the rights of queer people, then at least respect the rights of straight people. Respect the right of my straight mother to look at her grandchildren for the first time, to rush over to them, to scoop them out of my arms, to hug them in the way that only a new grandmother could, and to spoil them for the rest of her life. Respect her right to a family. Respect the fact that, behind most gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals, there are straight parents who want their families to be recognized, who want the best for their grandchildren.

County Commissioners, I want you to meet Abraham and Jane Tobia, my dad and mom. I want you to meet the people whose right to a family you are trying to take away by supporting Amendment One. I want you to meet the people whose current and future family will be broken apart by your actions today.

And North Carolina, I want you to meet my parents too. I want you to meet them so that, when you go to vote on May 8th, you’ll know exactly whose family you’re impacting. I want you to meet them so that you will know once and for all that this amendment is not just about gay families—it is about all families. I want you to meet them so you can know exactly whose rights you’ll be taking away if you vote in favor of Amendment One.

Say hello.

-Jacob
Original post on www.bluedevilsunited.com

Bravo Jacob for your courage and wisdom beyond your years. Joe and I say thank you.

February Chemo is Done!

Joe had his last chemo treatment at Duke for February this morning.  It was a quick one too!  We have a new record.  He was done at 9:45am and completely out of the parking deck before 10am even chimed on the clock.   Why can't they all be so quick and easy?  Oh well.  We (and by we I mean I) were a little concerned going into today's treatment because the labs from last week had shown that Joe's neutrophyl and white blood cell counts were once again very low.  Had they dropped much further, then today's treatment might not have happened.  They did drop just a tad, but the treatment went on.  We know that sometime in the future it is most likely that he will have to miss a treatment here and there as the chemo accumulates in his system.  Fortunately that hasn't happened yet and now with 13 days until his next treatment, his body will have a chance to build his numbers back up.  So we are good.

Last night at choir practice for PGUMC, Joe pulled out a regular number heard often in our Baptist roots for the choir to work on for a future anthem.  There is more than one former Baptist in the choir  (Debra in particular) that recognized it immediately.  Although the tempo would be considered a bit slow for a Baptist church, the choir really got into it.  Hopefully before it is the weekly anthem, Joe will have picked up the pace a little.  I think that would make Debra and me both happy.  I recorded the last verse from practice.



Not bad huh?   They gave it some gusto.  They are a wonderful group of people who are very near and dear to both Joe and me.

On Saturday Bettie and Brittany come to town to see Les Miserables.  First we will have lunch and then they will be off to the show and then Joe has a performance with TGMC in Raleigh later in the evening.  For me that means a day of reading, trimming the trees in the yard (maybe) and probably a nap or two (or three).  I just love Saturdays!

Continued thanks to all who offer up prayers for Joe and me.  We thank you and appreciate each and every one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOE!!!

Below are just a few of the Happy Birthday wishes of the more than 200 from former students of Joe's that keep up with him via Facebook.  Apparently he touched a lot of lives in his many years of teaching.  I would have posted them all, but they just kept coming all day and I had to draw the line somewhere.

Vinkie Edwards Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!
Courtney McMillon  Forget Team Jocob....Team LUPTON! Happy Birthday!
Monita McLaurin Happy Birthday & God Bless!
Tamika Pinnock HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marcia Adair-Davis Happy Birthday to you may it be over the moon ;-)
Alaina King McGarry Happy Birthday Mr Lupton!! Hope it's a great one!
Renee Beasley-Fisher Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!
John Thomas Ramsey happy birthday mr lupton!
Anna-Marie Kline happy birthday!
Radene Locklear Caison Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton! I hope you have a blessed day and many more birthday's to come!
Shannon Leigh Costner Happy Birthday!
Annette Sanders Mickens Happy Birthday!!!!!
Regina Carlisle HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. LUPTON PRAYING GOD BLESSES YOU WITH SO MANY MORE..YOU WERE SUCH A BLESSING AS MY TEACHER IN JUNIOR HIGH..YOU GAVE US MEMORIES THAT WE ALL WILL CHERISH..ONCE AGAIN....A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..
William Craig Autry Happy Birthday to the man who helped me to love music even more!
Jerrell Hairr HaPpY BiRtHdAy!!!
Danielle Eason Andrews Happy birthday!!! :)
Kelly Potts Happy Birthday!!!!
Jovan Edwards Happy Birthday!!!
Sterling Torain HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A GREAT MAN, IN MANY WAYS...A FATHER FIGURE/MENTOR/TEACHER. LOVE YOU FALCON JOE!! ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
Tara Hales Lynch Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!! Hope you have a fantastic day!!
Jennifer Martling happy birthday!
Ashley Victoria Ray Happy birthday!!.
Shannon Snell Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!!! ~I hope you have an AWESOME DAY!!!! :)
Jo Jovita Vereen Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton! I hope your doing well ♥.
Neta Ketterman Happy Birthday!!!! Your're the best!!!!
Lauren Jones Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!
Noelle Shields Happy Birthday!! Have an amazing day
Jennifer Johnson  Happy Birthday Mr. Lupton!! May God continue to bless you with many many many more. As for birthday gifts, I'd like a new car...we can talk details later!
Kim Searles  Happy birthday Mr. Lupton! I hope it was amazing :)

• 
  

Then tonight we had a small Birthday party with a few friends.  We had a great time.

Someone looked on their iPhone and saw this.  So on came the televisions and we watched the news reports of Whitney's death for over an hour.  Yes, we still had fun, but it turned to singing Whitney Houston songs and talking about her trials and tribulations.  Not exactly how we pictured the evening ending.  

Still it was a wonderful birthday for Joe.  Thank you to everyone who sent cards, emails, phone calls and facebook posts.  Just goes to show how lovable he really is.

Round 2 of 3 for February

Today is Joe's 2nd round of Chemo for this month with the last one next week on the 16th.  He has had a pretty good week thus far, at least a busy one anyway.  On Tuesday night rehearsal for TGMC started again for the spring so once again he will have 3 nights in a row with an obligation.  What's the saying about "idle hands"?....well it shouldn't have anything to do with Joe.  Monday he has Durham Childrens Chorus from 4:30-6; Tuesday PGUMC staff meeting, piano lessons and TGMC chorus; Wednesday piano lessons and choir practice; Thursday chemo, piano lessons & Bible study; Friday just piano and then he normally has a free Saturday before being at church at 7:30a.m until after 12pm.  And this is his retirement schedule.

Joe got to his 7:30am appointment at Duke a little early and was checked in at the chemo infusion center at 8:28am for his 8:30am appointment.  There was time in between for him to go get breakfast in the food court.  He was out of chemo by 10a.m. which might be a record tying time.  I'll have to go back and see if he's made it out before by a minute or two.  Now he just get's to look forward to a couple of somewhat sleepless nights before getting back on track.  He has been battling a head cold for the last 10 days or so, but that seems to be better too.  All things considering, not a bad week (last nights 85-84 win over UNC didn't hurt either).

I hope everyone has a great weekend and thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Birthday's Can Be Hard

Birthdays can be hard even when they are not your own.  This past weekend, my family threw a surprise birthday party for mine and Joe's niece, Sara.  She turns 16 in February and they are planning a cruise for the "official" birthday bash, but her mother Aimee, wanted her to have a party regardless.  Just not the usual massive Sweet Sixteen party that has become the rage recently.  So instead there was a somewhat smaller surprise party held at their house on Saturday.  The best part was that she was actually surprised.  She thought the party was for someone else, so she had done a lot of the prep work and set up for the party, not knowing she was doing it for herself.  She got quite the bewildered look when we sang "Happy Birthday" to her.  That was the good part, the fun part, but for Joe, the hard part.  Since his cancer diagnosis, although he has and continues to be very optimistic about his future, special occasions are difficult for him.  Especially this one where it was Sara's birthday.  He became quite upset that this might be the last of her birthdays that he will see.  Of course, this in turn got me upset.  However, I must admit I was in a crappy mood and it was probably my fault that precipitated the small meltdown.  We exchanged words and then the tears began to flow.  First from him, then from me, then from my sister and finally after giving Sara her birthday present, it was Sara's time to cry when she saw her Uncle Joe who she worships crying.  She didn't quite understand why and what was going on, but she can't see him upset without getting a little upset herself.  So after drying her eyes, checking her makeup, she continued on with her party.  Joe and I got some party food and cake and went in the kitchen to sit where it was quiet and we talked some.  The talk helped as we cleared the air a little.  Another thing that is bothering both of us is the upcoming birthday of our other niece, Brittany.  She will be 13 in March and they are planning a big party for her which Joe wants to attend.  There is only one little glitch, her mother, Bettie (Joe's sister), is having it at their house.  That's where the "rub" comes in.  I desperately want to be a part of her party as well, but I am being very stubborn and won't go to Bettie's house.  The weekend after Joe and I were married in Connecticut, we called all members of both our families upon our return to inform them that we had gotten married.  We started with Joe's mother, then his sister Bettie and then my sister Phyllis.  It was a very brief, possibly the briefest, conversation that Joe has ever had with his mother.  She was upset, as her religion is very anti-gay.  But she was nice and after 5 minutes the call ended.  It took a little while, but about 10 days later, we did receive a "Congratulations" card from her.  We both knew it was something she would not be happy about, but Joe is her son, and at least she is making the effort to be somewhat supportive, even if just through an occasional card.  When he called his sister Bettie and told her, there was silence on the other end of the phone for about 20 seconds and then Bettie changed the subject and began talking about her kids, what was going on with her and didn't even acknowledge what Joe had just told her.  To this day, 5 months later, she has yet to acknowledge in anyway that Joe and I got married.  I have never and will never expect Bettie to like me, accept me as part of the family or in anyway acknowledge our relationship to me.  But Joe is her brother.  Would it have been so difficult, regardless of her  conservative religious beliefs, to say a simple congratulations, or I hope you are happy or in anyway express something positive to her own brother, especially considering his health condition?  I think anyone who truly has real Christian values and ideals could not turn a blind eye to their own flesh and blood in this way.  For that reason, I can not find it within myself to go into her home and pretend that I am okay with the way she has treated him.  My relationship with Brittany is a good one.  I have loved watching her grow into a lovely young lady since the day she was born.  She is becoming an individual with her own thoughts, her own opinions and learning to express herself as an individual.  I couldn't be more proud of her or love her if she was my own blood.  Regardless of how the rest of her family feels, I believe I am her uncle and I know that she truly loves me.

While on the topic of Joe's family reaction I would like to take a moment to thank his cousins Whitney and Emily.  Other than his brother Bill and his wife Sandy who have been behind us 110% from the beginning, his 2 cousins are the only members of his family who have ever expressed a congratulations or a positive word towards him with regard to our marriage.  It has been hurtful and has deeply wounded Joe.  With everything else he has been facing since his diagnosis, this has certainly not helped.  But we have each other.  We have my family.  We have Bill & Sandy.  We have many friends and we have PGUMC.  They give us the courage and support to move forward.

So now you know why birthdays can be hard.  Sara's was filled with tears and Brittany's, at least leading up to it, is being filled with drama.  Joe says he is going to either talk with or send Bettie a letter about how he feels about her reaction to our August news and her lack of response.  About my feelings towards her and my participation in Brit's party.

Both families are filled with loving and caring people.  It just seems that when it comes to Joe's family, their ultra-conservative, evangelical religious views, won't allow them to extend what Christ spoke and taught over and over and over.  The core value of Christianity: love.  Not even when it comes to their brother, cousin, family member.

CT Scan results are in and the answer is....................

NO GROWTH of the tumor!  Every 2 months we have those few days in between the scan and getting the results from Duke that are somewhat nerve wracking.  But for the 3rd straight time, Joe has a great report from Leigh Howard with no growth of the tumor.  The chemo is working to maintain it.  Of course ideally we would like to have the tumor shrink, but we will take no growth any day of the week.

You can tell by the smile on his face that Joe was quite relieved and happy with todays results (you might have to zoom in on the face - but I guarantee you there is a smile).  Anyway, he is currently hooked up to his chemo in the infusion center and should be out of there within the next 30 minutes or so.  All in all, a smooth morning.  Now he can relax a little this afternoon, go for a walk on this glorious day, get some exercise and fresh air and hopefully sleep tonight (with the help of chemicals).   He is also battling the start of a head cold so we have to keep an eye on that to make sure it doesn't get too bad.  I may try to get him to wear surgical gloves and a mask when in public for a few days.  But that will be easier said than done.  However, stranger things have happened.  Sitting at Bible study tonight with a mask on might be interesting!

Thank you for the continued support and prayers.  We love you all for everything you have done for us and every kind word.